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Don't ever think that you would disappoint anyone by going to seek help. I don't want to be on any medicine either, but you have to do what is right for you. My situation is completely different, but I would strongly suggest going back to your doctor. That is not admitting defeat, just that you do need help. It is such a scary feeling. I was where you are six years ago. I hit my parent's dog in the face. His eye started to swell and I realized that I had an anger problem. That was probably the most guilty I have ever felt. To think that you can get to the point that you can hurt a living creature that loves you made me realize that I needed help. I will pray for you.
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lovejoy_22
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Hi Nugget -
Don't feel as though anyone will be disappointed in you...don't put that pressure on yourself. I am sure your husband loves you very much and would never judge you for something such as this.
Take care and don't be so hard on yourself. You are only human and it's big of you to admit you can't this on your own.
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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How can taking the initiative to improve your well-being be considered a disappointment? I think that your husband was proud of you for going off meds because he believed you accomplished something that YOU felt was important. I bet if you sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling, you will see that he just wants what is best for you. I am certainly not trying to advocate meds as a cure all. However, if you feel you may need them for a period of time, what is the big deal? You wouldn't think less of someone for taking insulin if their body needs it? How is this different? Depression and anxiety are real chemical imbalances in the body. People who deal with these issues (myself included) are NOT weak people. On the contrary, it takes a tremendous amount of strength and resolve to live day to day with the challenges these medical issues present! You should feel proud of yourself for realising you need to make some adjustments. Have a good heart to heart with your husband, he may surprise you. Be brave, you can take charge. Good luck with whatever you decide. artist
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Nugget,
Please don't feel guilty about venting your anger with us, because there are many of us who have experienced similar feelings. You've gotten some great responses and a lot of good suggestions, so I don't know what else I could add. Just that if you do have a problem and you do need professional help and/or medication to overcome it, please don't feel like you are less of a person because of it. And don't let anyone make you feel bad about taking medication. Only you and your doctor can determine what is best for you.
I grew up in a family that didn't take medicine unless it was an emergency and that almost got me into big trouble about 4 years ago when I sunk into a major depression. Everyone kept telling me to "just snap out of it" and I couldn't. I spiraled downhill so fast that it was a miracle that I ever came out of it. Had it not been for the intervention of a neighbor I would not be here today. I thank God that she recognized how bad off I was and got me some professional help when I needed it. I fought taking medication until my doctor help me to realize that without it I was either really "up" or eally "down" and that that was dangerous. I realized that if I waited until I was really "down" to decide if I needed help, it might be too late for me then.
It's good that you have shared your feelings with us. You know we are always here for you!
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Nugget, you should be proud of yourself for bringing this issue up and to be willing to face something so scary. As Artist said, if you were diabetic, would you be ashamed to take insulin? Depression/anxiety are no different than diabetes. It is a BIOLOGICAL problem that needs to be corrected by medication. It's not your fault. I know how you feel though, I know someone who had to face the reality of being on anti-depressants for LIFE - it was tough for him. He realized that he's a better person on the meds, and it's what he has to do. He doesn't like it, but so be it.
Talk to your Doc - taking meds for a while is not a life sentence - you may need some just to get over a hurdle, or you may need them longer. The important thing is to FEEL BETTER. If meds can do that, so be it. Your husband would not want you feeling terrible when there may be something that can help - and not taking that just for the sake of not taking it.
Hang in there. We're here for you ....
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Thank you Hans.....
I don't think I've had the chance yet to congratulate you on your new arrival. It's so hard to keep up with all the posts when I am trying to get on line at work. I am on line tonight here at home for a little while before I head to bed. I hope all is going well for you and your new arrival. {{{hugs}}}
As for my situation....thank you so much for your support and heart-felt understanding. In all honesty, Diabetes or other conditions that don't involve the mind are much more easily accepted by society than depression/anxiety disorders. That is why I am so hesitant about going back to my GP and getting back on medication. Not that my family and husband wouldn't be supportive. I know my husband thinks the world of me and would be very supportive. I just guess I am disappointed with myself for not being able to control this without any help. I have a wonderful GP that I trust so that's not a problem either. The problem is me and the fact that I, for whatever reason, am so hard on myself. Whether it is something in my past or what, I don't know. I have been to a councelor a while back and it helped, but I didn't feel comfortable talking about my problems. I feel that mine pale in comparison to what others are going through and I let on to the counselor that everything was better and she released me from her care. But, I don't feel that I was really done. But that was my fault, not hers.
I don't feel that I really tell my mom (she and I talk alot) or my husband or anyone else what really bothers me because I feel I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing. I tell them to a certain point and then clam up.
I've always been labeled as shy and quiet so I guess I worry about what people would think of me if I told them what really hurts or bothers me. So I just stay quiet and shy like I have always been told I am. Does that make sense? Inside this "quiet shy" person lives an angry, aggressive, smart, strong, outspoken woman dieing to get out and express herself without being labeled negatively.
Am I making sense? Thanks for listening
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I understand how you feel. I had trouble facing my OCD/depression. However, there should be no stigma attached to it in society. We didn't choose to have this just like another person didn't choose to be diabetic. It's a MEDICAL condition that is in no way our fault for having. Should a person blame themselves for a medical problem they in no way cause? NO.
It's so hard talking about what bothers you - I'm exactly the same way. Tell to an extent .. but not all. I found I was really shortchanging my husband by doing that because he 1. Didn't know how much it REALLY bothered me
and 2. Couldn't help much because I hadn't told him the whole story and was frustrated that he couldn't help.
As for making a big deal over nothing - it's not. If it's bothering you - deal with it. Besides, if it's not a big deal, then talking about it may help find a solution or at least make you feel better. Tell your husband what you need. I would say something like - I just need you to understand how I feel right now.
As for what people think of you - I gave up long ago. I was always considered aloof, but I was really just shy and VERY insecure. Besides, we're talking about your Mom and your Hubby. They love you and that's not going to change just because you have some concerns. You may actually feel closer to them afterward - they can often be part of the solution. You don't have to spill all the beans in a day, either. Just deal with a bit at a time. You're not likely to metamorphasize into some loud monster that they've never seen before. I'm guessing that once you find the merits of being more outspoken, you won't worry about labels or what people think. People will believe what they want regardless. So why worry about it? The people that count - that really count - you will know how they feel about you.
A lot of this is coming from personal experience. I've been there. Take care - and feel free to e-mail me.
These posts are getting long! LOL.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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