Having an emotionally tough morning.....
#193819 - 07/10/05 10:20 AM
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Alyson McG
Reged: 05/20/05
Posts: 317
Loc: Vancouver Washington (IBS-A, but D prominant)
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I am not usually a whiner, but I am having a tough AM, probably just a little bit of a pity party, self doubt and miss my husband a lot type a thing and need to get it off my chest. For those that don't know, My IBS-D started last October, three days after my wedding. Apparently my body just couldn't take the stress of the wedding, the court eviction(finally got them out the day before the wedding, actually changing the locks and throwing garbage out that day), my daughter leaving for the Air Force..etc... you get the pucture. Anyway, it took me a while to figure out what was going on, all the while trying very hard to keep up a good front and not let my husband know what was going on, VERY hard since we also worked together. Of course, I finally had to tell him and he has been truly a life saver. Never thought a man(sorry if I offend anyone, but I've been hurt a lot) could be so understanding. Anyway, he left last week(8 days ago) to go home with his boys and visit his family in Missouri(where he grew up). I wanted to go so I could meet my in-laws but with my 4 kids and there schedules, my first GI appt, and to be honest, the thought of having to avoid almost everything his mom cooks(southern=deep fried to them)I just felt it best to not go. But here it is 8 days into it and I am missing him terribly, even though he calls at least twice a day(I'm spoiled like that). He had his 21st, yes 21st, high school reunion last night and didn't call and boy has it done a number on me. I'm not sure why. I know he loves me and would never stray, but for some reason I can't get the thought of all of his ex girlfriends out of my head. I know it's silly. Yet, it's driving me crazy, or at least I think that's what it is. I tend to be pretty hard on myself. Even though 95% of the time I know that he loves me no matter what, there's that 5% of the time that I feel like I am letting him down and that maybe he would be better off with someone else W/O all of the problems I have now. Part of it is the self image. Not only have I changed with the IBS thing I have put on about 8 pounds since the wedding and it keeps coming, especially since I was put on Celexa. In November I turned 40(he is 18 months younger), I found out I have arthritis in my lower back, neck and shoulder and am in constant pain. Sorry for the pity party, I just really needed to get it off my chest and look at it objectively to see how utterly rediculous it is. He won't be home for 2and 1/2 more days...:( I think I'll pack up my two boys and take them camping and fishing tomorrow for a night. Maybe that will help take my mind off of it..:)
Thanks to anyone who has the patience for this pity party garbage and listening to my rant. I'm not usually this pathetic and self absorbed....Alyson
PS, just a cute story... Yesterday I took my boys (15 and 7) and my 16 yr old daughter to the beach. On the way back, my tummy got upset and well...it didn't smell pleasant in the car a couple of times. My two older kids were absolutely disgusted and gave me a little bit of a hard time. My 7yr old tells both of them " how would you guys feel if your stomach hurt all of the time like mom's?" They started again in giving me a hard tiem and he cut them off and said " NO, How WOULD you feel if you hurt all the time???" " Mom doesn't like it either!" I swear I could have just melted Other than my husband, he has been so sweet and supportive( hard to believe from someone so young). My other kids understand to a degree, as much as teenagers can, but it still grosses them out. anyway, I just thought that was too cute. 
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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It's okay to feel bad: it sounds like you're really busy, dealing with IBS, and missing your husband. Sometimes you've just gotta vent and let it out, rather than be alone with those feelings and dwell on them. I've been there and venting always relieves some of that stress!  So don't be sorry!
I'm sure your husband was more excited to see his old buddies than his ex-girlfriends. I totally understand about that 5%, though, feeling like your partner would be better off with someone without our problems--I feel like that sometimes too. However, it's important to remember that IBS DOES NOT define who we are! IBS is a part of our lives, but it's something to be managed and dealt with, not something to be blamed for or judged on. And we are with our partners because of WHO we are, our interests/personalities/values. It sounds like your husband loves you a lot; to have someone you love calling you twice a day and be so loving and understanding must mean that you're a pretty special person yourself.
Alyson, I'm really impressed by how much of this post is about the good things in your life. You have such a sweet family and a wonderful husband! I hope your day gets better, and I agree that fishing and camping is a good way to relax!
Take care,
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Thanks Maria...
#193825 - 07/10/05 10:45 AM
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Alyson McG
Reged: 05/20/05
Posts: 317
Loc: Vancouver Washington (IBS-A, but D prominant)
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I do feel very lucky to have such a wonderful family.......Thanks for your input, it means a lot to be able to say how I feel, and know that there are people here that REALLY understand. Alyson
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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I'm IBS "C" but I can understand your hesitancy in going on the trip with your husband and all that good food that doesn't seem to agree with our stomachs anymore. It may had just added more stress. It's good to know your husband calls you several times a day, it sounds like my husband. Once in a while it drives me nuts because it makes me feel smothered but he's a very genuine and caring person and I love him. He takes very good care of me. It's possible that your husbands reuinion ended up later than he thought and catching up on talk with past friends may have made hours go by. Maybe he was afraid to call too late and wake you. Although I would have liked for mine to have called too. It sounds like you both have a close relationship and nothing can come between you when you're that close as long as you keep the trust and keep the faith. I'm sure he will have a legit explanation.
Take time out for yourself today and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you're experiencing. Better to let them out than bottle them up. It will just tear you up inside and further worsen your symptoms.
I hope you get to feeling better soon. Heidi
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Thanks Heidi,
I'm sure that's all it was, and I do trust him completely, first time in my life I have ever trusted anyone the way I trust him. Guess it's just a little insecurity and old trust habits that make me feel this way sometimes....I talked to him this morning and none of his ex's even showed up, in fact only about 20 people from his class(there were only about 60 in his class) bothered to come at all. Guess I just miss my routine and company... Thanks for your ear. Alyson
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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Hey:
I can relate to the insecurity thing from past experiences so I felt like I totally understood where you were coming from. I did want to help you out when you were concerned about your hubby not calling you last night. I probably would have felt the same if I were in your shoes. Stepping outside of your own world and looking at it from an outside perspective is a very difficult thing to do. Does that make sense???
I hope you're having a much better day today. Heidi
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Yes, it does...
#193878 - 07/10/05 02:30 PM
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Alyson McG
Reged: 05/20/05
Posts: 317
Loc: Vancouver Washington (IBS-A, but D prominant)
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And thanks so much, I am having a better day. I talked to him again and told him how I was feeling this time. I couldn't tell him when he called first thing this morning. I don't know why it is so hard for me to share my feelings with him, he's always so understanding. After I told him, I did feel better, just need to remember that...:)
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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Well, it sounds like you've got a good guy on your hands. It's nice to be able to open up and share your feelings. Once in a while my hubby gets irritated with me but he has so much patience otherwise. I think I've picked a good one this time too! Heidi
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Makes me feel very lucky too! I'm glad to see you have a good one too, makes it so much easier to deal with this. Alyson
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Everything in life happens for a reason, patience will eventually tell us what that is......
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I was not looking to date anymore after my divorce and had just decided that God must have meant for me to live alone the rest of my life. I decided that he had other plans for me, I just didn't know what. That's about the time my hubby came into my life. I rejected him at first but he was perserverant and after 3 yrs. of dating, we married. He's very good to me. I feel bad because this IBS "C" and the nausea and vomiting that goes with my Perimenopause (from what we can tell so far unless further tests are done), he has been a very patient and loving man.
I have many friends that I mostly keep in touch with via email or by telephone all across the country. He has few and we seem to be each others best friends. We do most stuff together which is a very different lifestyle that what I was once accustomed to.
I used to be "very" outgoing and social. I can still be at times but nothing like I was. Maybe aging has slowed me down a bit. Most things we do are things we do together. When I worked for the Police Department I used to just go, go go and now I can't get enough energy to move, move, move! I'm hoping it's only temporary. I make myself go to the gym for 1 1/2 to 2 hours 3-4 days a week and workout steady then come home cook and clean. I usually have dinner on the table when he walks through the door. Speaking of, it's a tad after 5:00 and he should be home in about 15 minutes. I just need to toss a salad as I have the rest done. He's not used to this kind of treatment so I think I've spoiled him a bit.
Alyson, I like you. You sound like a really nice down to earth person. Although, I like many others on this board too. You and I sound like we have some things in common. I'm hoping maybe in time we might develope a friendship. Currently I make most of the long distance calls to my friends because we have one of those long distance plans you pay a flat fee for that allows you all the calls 24/7 within the states. I get calls from some of my friends too and only a few have the same kind of plan. The other use their calling cards and I just tell them I'll call them right back.
Well, I've spouted enough about my private life and I'm sorry if I've bored anyone. My apologies. I find this board helpful and sometimes get a kick out of what I have read other postings say. There is much support here which is what we are all looking for. Thanks to Heather there seems to ge a great group here.
Email me directly if you'd like too. It's time2heid@cs.com Truthfully, I do have a day here and there where I do feel like hiding!! Take care! Heidi
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