Anyone with bipolar disorder...
#191619 - 07/04/05 09:32 PM
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I am wondering how it manifests? I think I might have this (on top of everything else!)
Sometimes I laugh and cry at the same time. I have to say...I feel crazy. This happened to me tonight as a matter of fact...
I am very scared. I will stay close to hubby tonight and make sure I am ok...if not I will wake him...so no worries. he knows what is going on.
I hope I find a psychiatrist to help me SOON. I will call tomorrow when I wake up!
I love you guys,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I've never been diagnosed with bp - or think I need to be - but I get like that when I'm not on a-d's and needing them! Don't stress about it, hon. Lack of serotonin makes me TOTALLY crazy, so it could well just be that you really need those a-d's to keep you on the level. {{{hugs}}}
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I agree with Linz..
generally with bipolar you get really high highs (ie in some cases you can go for an entire week not sleeping and feeling as though you are on top of the world as per my exroomate) and really low lows, which generally last alot longer than a few days.
if you're really worried ask your doctor.
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Quote:
generally with bipolar you get really high highs (ie in some cases you can go for an entire week not sleeping and feeling as though you are on top of the world as per my exroomate) and really low lows, which generally last alot longer than a few days.
That is generally true for most bipolars. However, there is such a thing as 'rapid cycling' where you experience the mood swings much faster. Also, when you're in the 'up' phase, it may not be euphoria, good feelings, etc, like you hear about. You can actually swing between periods of severe anxiety & irritability, down to depression, fatigue, etc. (I had a dr once who thought I 'might' be bipolar.) That's the type where there's no real upside.  I always said I wouldn't mind being bipolar so much if I got the mania, the energy & giddiness. Instead I got just irritable & anxious, restless, couldn't sit still.
Turns out, I don't believe I actually have bipolar, I'm just a grumpy, irritable gal who suffers from anxiety AND depression. (Not to mention the IBS...hmm, which came first, the chicken or the egg??) 
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Shelli - Wife & stay at home mom to 1 son, 1 dog & 2 parrots! IBS-A, usually C.
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I tend to get REALLY happy and then REALLY low within hours--even less sometimes! My highs usually last 1-5 days or so. The depression can last weeks and months. I have friends who have said to me that I am very "up and down". I get moments of grandiosity where I make big statements or goals I can't possibly keep. And this has all been going on since I was a child And around PMS time I almost always feel VERY DEPRESSED and sometimes suicidal.  While it DOES get better on non-PMS times...it does NOT go away. And it can be just as bad on non PMS times...it is just VERY consisten then.
As for spending money and the overly sex interested parts...not so much. I HAVE called friends excessively and run up phone bills. And I have bought things MANY times that could not be afforded just to have them and then return them 
I'm just a freak!
After the pyschologist mentioned going to a psychiatrist to be evaluated...I took a LONG look at my life. I do NOT want to be like my mother. I want to raise kids in a SAFE world where they can come to me and I will be there for them. This means having to be REAL and HONEST with who I am...and that might be someone with a chemical imbalance. I don;'t want tht to be the truth...but this is making come to terms with the fact thatthere IS something wrong here. Bipolar or not, am I right, this is all not normal? Being suicidal, anorexic and then overeating, depression, highs/lows. 13 clubs in college and extra classes, etc.? (Then again...being abused is not NORMAL! What do I expect?)
Thank you for supporting me...PLEASE send more encouragement. This is VERY hard stuff *hugs*
Love,
Ruchie
P.S. I THINK I should have posted this in the Living Room. I wrote this late at night during an episode and I was not thinking clearly. Sorry for posting in the wrong place
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie--
I admire how you're taking control of your life and evaluating your past experiences.! Being honest with yourself is probably the most difficult think to do. Something else that can be difficult for some people is to advocate for yourself. I know that you're a very spiritual person, and I think that taking care of yourself, as you would a friend or a loved one, and realizing that you, too, deserve to be happy and have some peace are ways to show respect for the life and body your G-d has given you. I hope I'm making sense...
My only concern is that you don't try to self-diagnose yourself at this point. I don't have much experience with abuse, so I can't say what is a normal reaction or not. However, I definitely don't see you as a freak! I doubt anyone else does either!
*hugs* and 
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Well, hon, I'd say that's not normal, but then NOBODY IS!  Getting help when you need it (and I think you do - I do too) is very positive and healthy.  My Mom had real issues with getting help too...I'm so glad that I'm a new generation with new concepts and things to help. It's weird...my Aunt's going through depression atm and has just started on a-d's...she hasn't wanted to talk to my Mum about it at all, but she talked to me fine as I was upfront about being on a-d's myself. The older generation had a lot of bad stereotypes to cope with, like getting treated for depression being weak! Uh...NO WAY. This is chemicals, people! There's no stigma attached to taking insulin for diabetes so why should there be for taking SSRIs?
Anyway, good luck with the psych.
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Thanks for the encouragement! I cannot self-diagnos...only a doc can tell me what I have going on. And they are the only ones that can give me meds! I just want to know if I am not alone...if there are others on the boards like me? And what they personally experience?
Thansk again...you are GREAT *hugs*, big ones!
Love, Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie:
Get the to a professional, i.e. a psychiatrist, a.s.a.p. You are not a freak. You are emotionally challenged due to past trauma. You are panicked. You are anxious. You are fragile.
You need some "amo" some tools to survive/thrive/progress and be you again.
A psychiatrist can access your needs and prescribe something to help manage your MIND, your moods, et cetera. Hopefully,
a sense of ORDER can be restored or recreated.
I re-iterate that YOU ARE AN INTELLIGENT, LOVING and LOVABLE
INDIVIDUAL and are responding to extreme psychic distress which you live with every waking and seemingly sleeping moment. In a bizarre way, your response patterns, your rhythms, your behaviour is a mode of protection and an attempt to adapt/survive. There are more evolved and enlightened ways. You're just in the dark, honey.
Hugs. E-mail me for further support and discussion. I send bunches of P.E. (positive energy) and support. Don't jump the gun, as they say. AND BREATHE!!! I HEREBY TELL THAT DAMAGED younger inner you that IT'S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT!
Edited by Wind (07/05/05 12:36 PM)
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie
#191871 - 07/05/05 12:25 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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You know I have BP disorder. If you want to "talk" about it, email me. I think you need to discuss this in detail with your new doctor and let him/her decide if they think that's what it is. I would never accept that diagnosis from a general practitioner. It needs to come from a psychiatrist who is trained in this area.
I was in denial. I kept going from one doctor to another, hoping to get one to disagree with the others. After the 5th psychiatrist said, "You have bipolar," I decided to accept it. Actually, my husband said, "How many doctors are you going to go to before you believe them?" (I'm a little stubborn!)
And no, the highs and lows do not have to be extreme---and they do not have to last for days or weeks at a time. You can cycle from one to another rapidly (within a day)---and have both mania and depression at the same time. There are all sorts of classifications of BP. Some are worst than others.
The good news is you can get treatment for it--and you don't have to suffer with it.
When do you go see this new doctor?
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BL,
I cannot find your e-mail atm...would you mind sending it again? I forgot you had bipolar...I;m sorry! I knew someone did...couldn't recall who! Kinda foggy right now. Actually...I thought a few people on the boards did...
I am waiting to hear back from the psychologist for a # of a psychiatrist. Should I tell her it's urgent? I am at such a loss. I feel very low and tired today. But not out of control. Does this mean I'm fine?
I think that is what is so confusing. If I am okay today why I can't be okay ok all the time. Ok...fine..I'm not Ok today. Just not suicidal or crazy out of control! *sigh*
It is frustrating that my parents were so selfish they couldn't see how I was hurting so much. that they still tell me to lose weight even though I was anorexic (which sent me straight back to starvation for a while btw!)
Ok, I'll stop here...wrong boards to post this on...
With love and hope now that I am not alone,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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It is comparable to diabetes. Both are chemical imbalances. Our chemistry is effected by more than genetics, but by life experience. YOU ARE WHOLLY CORRECT. There is no need to waste time on "stigmas" associated with scientific/chemical intervention, be it with insulin or SSRIs. Those are just two examples.
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I am so upset! I wish my family was here for me while I am going through all of this. All they say is : You do not need meds. You're fine. Everything is fine. just smile harder..."
I want to be happy I REALLY do. But I can't be happy right now. I'm depressed. it is NOT my fault. I cannot control it! If I could I would!
I'm glad I am posting to you guys! I'm glad I told hubby. Glad I have therapy tomorrow. Glad I have a suicide hotline # in case I need it by the desk. Glad I have admitted I need help--scary though it is.
Unfortunately I am PMSing and I feel fuzzy and I don't think I should drive...otherwise I would go to PetSmart and say hello to the kitties. Maybe I'll take a nap and give Shana some hugs *she's sleeping...maybe I'll wake her?)
Thanks ladies *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Don't listen to what family says. I begged my brother and sister-in-law (an RN BTW) to take me to the hospital with my depression. They say "pull your head out of your *** and get a job." Well one day I just dialed 911 and went on my own. I won't go into detail, but I was homeless and depressed and eventually ended up on disability and am living in a rest home. It is one big "happy" family here. I take an antidepressant and am doing pretty well.
Go see the Dr. and she/he will get you on the right track.
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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*hugs!* You're right--it's not your fault! I can't stand it when people tell me to be happy or to not worry. Sure there are people out there who maybe feel sorry for themselves or choose to be pessimistic, but someone like you and me (I have anxiety probs and am on meds), we CAN'T help it, and that's why we seek out help from a specialist and take meds. Linz and Kate really made it clear to me that there shouldn't be a stigma attached to depression and other disorders because it's usually due to a chemical imbalance. Sometimes I forget this and get down on myself for being a weak person because I'm taking meds--but then I remember, No, I'm a strong person because when I realize I have a problem I deal with it.
It doesn't help when your family isn't supportive, but sometimes your real family isn't the one you're born into. What I mean is that sometimes your friends become your family, like the people on these boards. I think you're very fortunate that you have such a supportive husband and wonderful dog! See you have your own wonderful little family!
Anyhow, sorry to ramble on when all you wanted were some hugs. But I worry about you and I understand how scary it is to take that first step and admit you need help. But you're doing the right thing, Ruchie!
*hugs* again!
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Oh, yeah. I forgot that I was in a constant panic attack. Does that go along with the IBS?
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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I was having this problem too, but I never figured out whether the IBS caused the panic or the panic triggered the attacks...They're definitely connected (check out some of the studies Heather's posted on the Brain-Gut section of the IBS Research Library). I read that panic attacks only last a few minutes and you can have many in a row, but I swear I've had days, weeks, where I felt I was in one on-going panic attack and I couldn't get out of it. In those instances where I couldn't regain control, certain meds, like benzodiazepenes, helped me out. I sort of think of it like a reset button for my brain (I do use them sparingly/only as needed since they're addictive and I don't like the "hangover" effect). For GAD, I take Buspar daily and I believe this has not only helped with my ongoing anxiety but it's also had a good effect on my IBS symptoms as well.
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Fyi....
#191921 - 07/05/05 02:20 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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...I get like that when I'm not on SSRIs and need to be! CONSTANT panic.
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Linz, I'm glad you brought that up. Sometimes I wonder if I need to be on an AD as well or instead of the Buspar, but for the past month or so I've been feeling pretty good. I've only been having the panic when I go somewhere new, but I'm managing to work my way through it.
I've also been wondering, actually it's something my mother suspects and now I'm questioning it too, if I might have fibromyalgia as well. I rarely ever wake up feeling refreshed, instead I wake up more tired than before and my body feels as though it's been run over or beaten. I also wake up a lot during the night/early morning and when I do I feel so stiff and sore all over. (As an aside, I recently had one of those sleep paralysis experiences--freaky!) There have also been instances where I've had stiff joints yet blood tests never show signs of inflammation or infection. I also have jaw and head pain, but again, dentists don't see any sign of infection or problems with my jaw or teeth. Some weeks I'm also really tired, and I'm sort of always managing my energy and activities.
Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud and I should take my own advice and not self-diagnose (lol!--Sorry, Ruchie, I don't mean to be a hypocrite! ). I have a dr's appointment in August, but I'm not sure how to bring this up. I don't want to lead her to any conclusions or diagnosis, if you know what I mean, yet she's always telling me I'm healthy, which I know and believe because I rarely get a cold or flu and I'm a good healer. It's just the lack of energy and soreness that's frustrating.
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And in my experience, bring up the subject yourself and then explain WHY you think it might be possible. That's a heck of a alot of the symptoms and it sounds like you've had most of the other stuff ruled out. Unfortunately, a fibro diagnosis is one of exclsuion...but it's even harder to diagnose than IBS as it all depends on how good a day you're having when you see the doc!  I self-diahnosed my FMS...well, Heather suggested it! and I'm happy with that. My GP agrees with me, but she's useless and the specialist said it was "likely". Useful, huh?
Getting some help with your sleep would be a really good idea whether you get the Fibro diagnosis or not as that's often the main problem with Fibro - if you can sort the sleep you'll typically feel alot better.
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Thanks, Linz, for sharing your experience and opinion! I'm definitely bringing it up to my dr with the symptoms I listed here. I do feel like if I could just get a full night's sleep more often I would just feel better and more like myself. Who knows, maybe by August I'll know whether or not I'm a fibromite? Mixed feelings about it, although it'd be nice to know and sort of an answer to so many questions.
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I agree with the others. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Smiling, getting out of the house, exercising---may help a little---but they're not going to get rid of it. It is a chemical imbalance that needs treating by a doctor.
I'm sorry you're family suggests that you just get over with it---like it were really that easy! I can understand your frustration with their comments. I had the same thing happen to me. I do think it's that older generation that cannot talk about or acknowledge mental health problems.
My family said the same thing to me, even though I was having horrible panic attacks, crying all day, and feeling like I wanted to die. When they told me to "just snap out of it," I felt even worse.
To this day, it's very difficult for me to understand how they did not take my situation seriously, especially when my aunt had committed suicide years ago!
You have to decide if this is how you want to live the rest of your life. Sure, there are some disadvantages to taking medication, but if it improves the quality of your life, then maybe it is worth it to take it. Only you can decide that.
I do know that without medication at that lowest point in my life, I would not be here. I had spiralled out of control and had hit rock bottom. And I thank God i had a wonderful doctor (and therapist) who helped me through it. And a great next door neighbor who recognized what I was going through and got me to a doctor to get evaluated.
If you have bad eyesight, you don't feel guilty wearing glasses. If you have diabetes, you wouldn't hesitate to take insulin. The same would be true for medicine for high blood pressure or any other medical condition. Why should it be any different with depression/anxiety? Taking medicine for mental health problems doesn't make you weak! It makes you well!!!
Just my 2 cents!
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Great analogy, M!M! They are like a reset buttons. Great for travelling or those impossible situations/days/holidays. Buspar is a great daily med. I'm finally getting out, again.
I will not be conquered by anxiety. It helps my IBS as well, i.e. I don't constrict and I don't let depression/fear interfere with trying again. Also, stress/anxiety is such a major IBS trigger. Less psychically related D.
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Ruchie?
#192020 - 07/05/05 06:36 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Ruchie,
I have read so many of your posts lately, and it got me to thinking...
It seems like you have labeled a lot of the things that you are going through, but I am just wondering if you have actually had all of these conditions diagnosed by a professional?
I know that sometimes I find myself feeling certain ways that I have read about or something, and just self-diagnosing and then I find my head in a spin because I can decide I have about a hundred things wrong!
The depression and the fibro and the gluten stuff and now biopolar... I really think that you need to make sure that you deal with one thing at a time, and actually get help to address them.
It sounds like you are definitely depressed to me, and I agree with what the others said about a chemical imbalance. That being said, a lot of the stuff you are going through might be helped a lot by going on anti-depressants.. which I know you are trying to sort out right now with a psychiatrist.
I'm not trying to say that you aren't going everything you are, I know that you've had a lot on you.. I just know that if I were in the same situation, I start to let my mind really take me all over the place and sometimes I just need to be reminded that I'm not a doctor or I'd have a lot more money! 
Good luck, hun!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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,,,"The depression and the fibro and the gluten stuff and now biopolar"... that's a lot of self-diagnosing. One thing at a time...and please talk to an expert about all this before drawing any definate conclusions. That can be dangerous, not to mention anxiety provoking.
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by a naturopath with a gluten intolerance (even thought the tests were negative...he said the way gluten makes me feel positively shows I am intolerant...no further testing needed. It is just VERY hard to eat SO GLUTEN FREE without celaic!) and hypoglycemia. Sorry if I forgot to mention that.
I will let the doc decide what I have when I see them. I just wanted info. on this.
Thanks for caring so much!
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie good luck with everything. I really hope you feel better soon!
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I know you have walked the darkness I live. Survived it. And conquered it!
Thank you for sharing with me and for being unjudgemental. For understanding and for SEEING me...
I appreciate you and send you love, light, peace, and candles...
With love,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I have this too (and I'm starting to think gluten intolerance also despite no coeliac disease and normal blood work). My naturopath gave me yeast free chromium to help regulate the hypoglycemia (sp?) and I find (when I remember to take it regularly on top of all my other pills and potions) that it REALLY helps the sugar cravings and the highs and lows of being hypoglycemic. Are you on chromium for it?
On your other post (sorry am having internet troubles so only posting a little bit) don't feel weird about your mood swings. I think most of us go through this sometimes. It's not easy living life with huge dietry restrictions, coping with being sick all the time as well as all the usual pressure's of life, not to mention what you have been through in yours. (((((HUGS)))) I hope you can work through this soon. I too have times where I'll be crying my heart out and laughing at the same time and have no idea why I am feeling so sad yet so ridiculous and elated all at the same time.
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Amy
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What a great find...chromium huh? I'll have to look into it. My naturopath hasn't given me anything for the the hypoglycemia...I can't afford a follow-up appointment right now.
I think I will be calling my therapist tom. for a wuick appointment with a psychiatrist as I'm very depressed. I'm sooo sorry I haven't e-mailed you...I'm in a lot of pain right now
The good news is...hubby says it will pass. And it usually DOES pass. I just have to say htat over and over like a mantra!!!
Thanks for writing Amy...you made my night *hugs* I hope yu are well and that your fm is too!
With love,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I hope you find it somewhat helpful. Here you can just buy it over the counter at the HFS so it shouldn't be too difficult to get a hold of. I hear you on the cost of naturopaths. I'm pretty lucky. Mine is on hand via email when I'm desperate but appointments cost me a fortune (and when you add all the vitamins and supplements in on top of it you have a very thin wallet indeed  ) I'm glad you're pain is easing Rache and don't worry about the emails. I'm happy just seeing you on the boards every day
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Amy
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