Really frustrated and sad....
#182896 - 06/02/05 11:08 AM
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Tinkerbelle
Reged: 04/17/05
Posts: 231
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
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I keep thinking I'm getting "better," and then somethng will happen like it did this morning. I recently started eating somewhat normal again after really restricting my diet and without really realizing it, my calorie intake. I am staying with my parents now to try and heal, and they are feeding me good and safe food, which is helping me eat more. I will have like 2 or 3 okay days where i mainly just go to the bathroom a lot in the morning. Yesterday I had like 4 small meals, the last one being at 6:00. THat meal was at a resturant and I think I ate more than I was hungry for. I started feeling fairly bloated afterwards. I ate a bananna a few hours later. Then I didn't eat all night, and I didn't go to sleep until 3:00 am, before which, I had a few pretzels. I was having this feeling like I was both bloated and really hungry, and I couldn't figure out if I should eat or not... but that makes like 9 hrs since dinner of not really eating anything. So this morning I woke up and went to the toliet 5 times, one after the other, and each BM was a different form, some stringy, some pebble-like. But that was okay, there wasn't that much in each movement. Then I ate some oatmeal, and suddenly I had to go really badly, and went so so so much, with a little D in it. I got so frustrated I just couldn't stop crying. I'm trying so hard to gain weight and learn how to control this, and I've been dealing with it for like 6 months now! I can't seem to get it under control for more than a few days, or maybe I'm just eating too much and then not eating enough? I don't know what I'm doing wrong... I still am going through some emotional stress so it could be that. Or maybe it's the insult to my gut I caused by restricting my diet so severely and now it's having difficulty getting used to eating "normal" again? I'm so confused and looking for answers...
I'm also really scared that this is just the start of some really horrible disease. I'm 25 and had a stool sample done, a CBC, a test for Celiac and an upper GI. I'm scared this is the start of ulcerative colitus or something? I have a friend who had that and it seems really terrible. Does anyone know if it starts this way? All my tests were normal but I called my GI doc freaking out one day (I really hate him by the way, he's very unfriendly and yuk), and I told him I couldn't stop going to the bathroom (it was the day before my period) and he said to come in and get more tests. He called to cancel my appointment, then tried to reschedule but I never called back because I got too scared. I feel fairly sure that I just have IBS, and the stress of getting other tests makes me have a flare up, so I really don't want to get anymore done! Do you think I need a colonospcopy??
After this morning I just kept crying and crying. It seems when I have some good days the bad days seem so much worse, because I have the mirror of good days. I was never this bad before and I just wonder if this has gotten so bad because I choose to really focus on it? I'm not working and I just have so much TIME where I think and think about it. Espcially in the mornings when lying in bed.... that's when I go about 6 times, and I wonder if it's fear of pooping that's making me poop?
All I want is to gain weight- this is SO FRUSTRATING!
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Tinkerbell
#182907 - 06/02/05 11:31 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi there,
First of all, take a deep breath. We have all been there, and you're not alone. It is so frustrating and disheartening, I know, but you WILL figure it out and we'll help you get there.
Okay, so the first thing I would do if you aren't already doing it is to start a food diary. Record every single thing you put in your body, including drinks and medications - Everything. The record what happens - no attacks, one attack, attacks all day...
You said you are eating safe food.. maybe you could give us a meal plan for a day and we can try and see if there is anything that other people have reacted badly to or something.
The other thing I would do is to go on a SFS. I think your bowels are probably really 'confused' and a fiber supplement should help bind stools together to help you have more regular BMs.
Another thing that has been really helpful for people are probiotics. You can get them at the drugstore usually, make sure you get the ones that are lactose free.
I also have had a lot of success with calcium supplements. That may also help make you more 'regular'.
Drink loads and loads of herbal teas right now, too. And lots and lots of water.
Are you on any sort of medication? Many people go on anti-spasmodics, which seem to help a lot of people.
You mentioned that you are feeling so stressed out, are you on/have you considered going on some sort of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication? I found that when I went on a really low dose of amitryptiline (waaaaay lower than the doseage for people who actually take it for depression), it decreased my anxiety which also decreased my number of attacks. AND bad for me, but good for you.. it made me gain weight.  The stress and anxiety over getting an attack definitely put people into a vicious cycle that is often hard to break. Other stress management techniques are a good idea too.
Okay, as for the tests... You probably don't want to hear this, but you haven't really had enough tests done to get a definitive YES to IBS. You should definitely get a colonoscopy done. The prep is yucky, and it's not pleasant BUT it will rule out things with Crohns and Colitis and that will really help to put your mind at ease that you aren't trying to treat the wrong thing. Also, the test is NEVER as bad as people think it will be.
Do you ever take anything like Immodium? I would try taking some every morning and see how you do... ESPECIALLY around your period. This has really help a lot of people stabalize.
Hope this helps!!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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...a SFS and a daily preventative dose of Immodium REALLY helped me to stabilise. And it was 6 months before I was starting to stabilise, so stick at it.
I also second the a-d recommendation. I found that a-d's really helped me to cope with the IBS, which made me less stressed, which helped the IBS. 
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Hi Stephie,
I really appreciate how much you are writing to me- thank you so much!
Let's see...I am taking some really amazing probiotics, very expensive ones that are supposed to work really well. I am taking Acacia and have been taking it for about a month now, but I'm not taking very much of it (1/2 tsp 1 to 2 times daily). I started taking Lexapro about a month ago for anxiety, and am taking a very low dose-5 mg... but I think I did start going to the bathroom more around the time I started taking it, maybe this is some of the cause? I take a multivitamin. What else... I eat almost all SF foods- bananas, oatmeal, chicken, toast, avocado, eggs. That's pretty much all I eat! Sometimes potatos, rice, carrots... I eat incredibly healthy, all organic. I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong? I just get really scared of diseases and am totally freaked of Colitis.... It doesn't run in my family at all but I'm just sitting here hysterically crying with the fear that I have it. I have always had pain in my lower left tummy.... and I have decreased appetite and increased bowel movements... I'm really scared of this disease, although I have never had any blood in my stool or even very bad D. Anyway it's ridiculous to worry about it without getting tested... I know I should. I have a doc appointment on Tues I'll talk to her about it then.
Here's an example of what I ate yesterday:
8:00 am - oatmeal with rice protein powder
11:30 - bagel with earth balance, hard boiled egg and avo
2:30 - chicken and toast with avo
5:45 - chicken with white flour pita and butternut squash. i did have a few potato french fry type things and i did eat a tiny bit of skin...
9:00 - a bananna
2:00 am - a few pretzels
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This is what it said on a colitis website about getting tested, and I already had these which were fine:
A thorough physical exam and a series of tests might be required to diagnose ulcerative colitis. Blood tests may be done to check for anemia, which could indicate bleeding in the colon or rectum. Blood tests may also uncover a high white blood cell count, which is a sign of inflammation somewhere in the body. By testing a stool sample, the doctor can detect bleeding or infection in the colon or rectum.
Then it says:
The doctor may do a colonoscopy or sigmoidoscopy. For either test, the doctor inserts an endoscope - a long, flexible, lighted tube connected to a computer and TV monitor - into the anus to see the inside of the colon and rectum. The doctor will be able to see any inflammation, bleeding or ulcers on the colon wall.
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...as what you're on atm won't be doing much, if anything. For example, I'm on 2T but am now incresing again as I've destabilised (sounds like I've fallen off my bike! LOL).
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Taking Immodium constipated me for like 3 days, which I loved... but is this okay for your body? It just seems like I should stop it another way or something, and like Immodium is not really a cure??
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2T how many times a day?
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How much did you take? You should be able to find a dose low enough to not make you too C. For me at my worst, 1 tablt a day was good, but some people need a lower dose than that.
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Acacia
#182921 - 06/02/05 11:57 AM
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Tinkerbelle
Reged: 04/17/05
Posts: 231
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
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I put it in my oatmeal, could that be causing a problem?
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Re: Acacia
#182922 - 06/02/05 11:58 AM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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Not taking the ACacia that way, but some people do have problems with oatmeal! I can only have the extra fine (ie. instant) stuff.
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I think I took 1 or a half of 1. It felt really good to be C though! But I kept getting weird tummy feelings, like I had to go D but I was too stopped up to go!
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Actually lately I have been having quinoa flakes, like oatmeal but made of quinoa... that's a safe food tho so I should be fine.
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You can get Loperamide (the drug in Immodium) in liquid form on rx and that would allow you to take a teeny weeny dose.
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Re: Acacia
#182927 - 06/02/05 12:01 PM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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That shoiuld be fine then! 
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When I touch my intestines in my lower abdomin they feel bloated a little hard sometimes... that's why I get scared I have IBD, because they feel inflamed... does this also happen with IBS?
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You can't feel the inflammation of an IBD from the outside! It's inflammation of the lining of the intestines not the whole area of your body. I feel that too and it's usually gas...or poop if I'm C. 
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Oh that's good to know...I'm a bit of a hypochondriac if you couldn't tell!!
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It's now past noon here and I haven't eaten anything since 10:30 when I had quinoa flakes and D... I just get so scared to eat, I definatly have IBS induced anorexia and it sucks!
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Sleep is good
#182935 - 06/02/05 12:16 PM
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Dia
Reged: 02/04/05
Posts: 175
Loc: Tucson, AZ
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Hi,
I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. We're here for you!
Stephie and Linz are giving great advice, but I just wanted to add something.
It jumped out at me when you said that you were up till 3am. Not getting enough sleep is a HUGE trigger for me. Especially the morning after I've slept too little. Maybe try getting in a schedual where you go to sleep earlier and get at least 8+ hours of sleep.
I really hope you feel better soon! It took at least a month or more before I went from daily attacks to mostly normal, so stick with it!
--Myra
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IBS-D
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Thank you for bringing that up... I have been having trouble sleeping and I think going to bed at 3 last night was a problem! But I did sleep until 10:00, so I got a good amount of sleep! Thanks for the advice!
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I didn't eat from 5:45-3 am, except a banana and pretzels, maybe that was the trigger??
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Re: Lexapro
#182940 - 06/02/05 12:23 PM
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pulse
Reged: 05/24/05
Posts: 69
Loc: sw ohio
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i'd consider another antidepressant. i know so many love their lex here, but it gave me the worst pain/ cramps i'ver ever had - woke me up in the middle of the night from these, about 2 wks after i started it. (no other ad has ever done anything like this & i've been on almost all of them over these many years.) i had to stop lex asap.
really scared me!
their are scads of other ads to try in several different classes. if your'e trying to gain weight and enhance your appetite, remeron might be a good choice. it's known for being very gi and ibs friendly, and, unlike other ads, usually starts working in the very first week. also very good for anxiety and sleep.
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it sounds like you and i had a very similar experince, mine was last sunday. i major bathroom issues and completely broke down. i was angry, frustrated, depressed and cried like crazy. i was feeling ok then to have this morning of many loose bm's was to much. i had been feeling better then WHAMO! i felt like i was back to square one. i started my food journal again and started readign all of IBS, disestive disorders books again. however later that afternoon i started feeling much better, then my that evening i felt ok thankfully. there will be some good days and bad days but we must not let them get us down. when we get upset this just makes things worse for us.
i wanted to mention a few things that have worked for me...
probiotics-i have been taking large doses of primal defense for about 2 months now and it has made a huge differece for me. i tried many other probiotics but i have noticed that these have made a noticeable difference.
food allergies-i went to an allergist and he tested me for all sorts of things. he told me i reacted poorly to chicken, eggs, vinegar, yeast, beef and dairy. he said these foods were causing the bathroom problems and givign me exzema (i had no idea my exzema was an allergic reaction to food). i have these things out of my diet and was feeling a little better however i am going back to be tested again for more foods. (the elimination diets didnt work for me, they things a million times worse!)
anyway, these things have helped me and maybe they can help you too.
good luck
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with being a hypochondriac. I know this is all overwhelming and it is easy to jump to conclusions that it is something life threatening when you feel so badly.
But you have not been at this too long. You say it's been 6 months, but, hon, that isn't too long at all even though it may seem like it. There are some of us who have been dealing with chronic symptoms for 10 or 20 years!
Your profile also says you are on disability and trying to get a hold of things right now. Are you in counseling at all? I think you need a higher dose of Lexapro and need to start talking to a professional who can help you deal with all the emotional aspects of your situation.
And of course, keep with the diet. And read, read, read all Heathers suggestions, posts, books, etc.
Good luck and try to calm yourself down. Stress is so bad for tummies.
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Thanks Cyndy... I am a hypochondriac for sure, I worry about having many diseases and am very tuned in with my body, and thus I think I can create symptoms of exasterbate ones that are only slightly there. I am not on disability rather I quit my job about a month ago and am staying with my parents. Everything is pretty complex right now because I am in the process of leaving the town I went to university in, where I've lived for 7 years! I have many friends there and a man I am falling in love with, but am supposed to start graduate school for a counseling psychology program in the fall! All of these issues started really surfacing after a breakup at the end of last year, and then kept getting worse and worse with stress from work and applying to grad schools and dating a new guy. I started seeing a therapist a few months ago, but obviously could not get too deep with her because I'm supposed to move to LA for grad school. So a week ago I came to stay with my parents and heal, but all of my things are still up where I went to school, along with this man I adore.... So I'm in limbo and waking everyday with tons of poo! I still don't know if I will go to school in the fall because I feel so unstable mentally and physcially. But I also know keeping busy really helps, but i feel too overwhelmed to do the things I used to love...
Anyway it's very complex but I do need to start seeing a therapist where I wll be living for the next few years. I found one I think I like but haven't started seeing her yet!
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It does definitely sound like stress/anxiety issues. I know I mentioned in an email that I thought you needed an increase in the lexapro, and I still do think that. I would also make it a huge priority to take care of that, and see a therapist - trust me on this one, the voice of experience here, you will not likely feel much better, if at all, until you address the anxiety/stress issues!!
Also, you do need a colonoscopy, my dear. I'm sorry.  But if even the GI has suggested more testing, I would do it - the peace of mind afterwards, of either having a diagnosis or hearing that you DON'T have Crohns or UC, is worth it.
Good luck... and I know I still owe you an email, I'm still trying to catch up from a few days of not being online (over the holiday weekend), and I will try to write more tonight!
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