I can't take this anymore
#174908 - 04/28/05 10:13 PM
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Lynx
Reged: 04/21/05
Posts: 160
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Truely I can't. My condition just keeps getting worse. My dad says that my condition seems to be at it's worse when I'm around my friends. He says that I shouldn't have any friends - that I should just stay at home from now on. No more fun, no more life. I just want my world to end. I don't have the courage to end it all but I need to muster the strength to bring an end to this beast inside of me. Why doesn't this go away? Why am I damned like this? I hate my life. All I can think about is ripping my bowels open with a butcher knife.
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Check out my gallery! http://niomie.deviantart.com/
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Go get help for depression asap. There is no need to feel that bad, really and truly. A-d's can help you cope alot better with this demon...they really helped me deal with it and gave me the strength to carry on fighting.
And hang in there...it takes time but it will get better.
Can you work out what it is about going out with your friends that makes you worse? Is it anxiety about going out? Do you not eat for too long a period? Do you eat/drink triggers? Do you get stressed about having an attack around them? Work out exactly what it is and then you can work to minimise that without becomign a recluse. I do NOT recommend anyone with IBS retreats from socialising as in the long term it will make it alot harder to deal with. Chin up! 
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You took the words right outta my mouth!!
I swear if I weren't a married mom who had my hubby and kids to be with at home then I'da killed myself over this when so much of your life is instead "out there"!
I feel you!!
I too feel mine keeps getting worse or more so I keep feeling worse about it.
I have even gone to sites online for Agaraphobics (fear of going out basically) and feel just like that a lot.
Thats why me personally I'm gonna go bang on some Drs doors for awhile.
No meds are perfect and none will cure you. But at this point I'd try anything, geez I swear if a new radical surgery came out to cure IBS I'd probably try it!
The point is do not give up.
See a Dr discuss your Rx options.
Keep a food and attack journal.
Try any and all natural remodies you can get your hands on.
Be honest and open with all your friends bout it.
And try to remember people have had to live around worse than this, it is not fun or easy, but get educated, get help, get honest and then get moving.
It helps too if you know others struggling with IBS or other hard to live with ailments.
I have a friend in a wheelchair, my neighbor has MS and a guy friend of my husband was in a car accident and is now paralyzed in his whole left side, has slurred speech and a drooped eye an all.
Trust me....they'd trade in their lifestyle for my IBS anyday!
But above all get to a GI dr, get help and don't give up.
I think we here have ALL felt like you.
You are not alone.
*hugz*
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Not just with hassling GI docs, but with REALLY working at the diet for a good few months. It's boring, but reclaiming your life is SO not boring.
Come on, lets make this the summer when you both stabilise! 
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She knows of what she speaks. And not to toot my own horn, but so do I. Getting better takes work and, above all else, PATIENCE. It took me a few months on the diet to feel even slightly better, and trust me, the temporary "deprivation" is WORTH IT.
I also second the vote for addressing anxiety/depression issues. Not only is it better for your state of mind in coping with IBS, but it *might* even help your IBS symptoms themselves, as there is a definite brain-gut connection. PLEASE see a doctor for your depression. Like Linz said, there is no reason to feel this bad!
Good luck, and hang in there!
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I was where you are- I didn't want to go on any kind of medicine for anxiety/depression because I always was able to cope with anything life threw at me. EXCEPT THIS!!!! It just got worse and worse. I went to my family doctor and he put me on an AD- and things are better- emotionally/mentally. It wasn't a miracle cure for my symptoms- it just helps me deal with them better. I felt the same wasy, I didn't want to live the rest of my life this way, what did I do to deserve this etc....
Please go see your doctor to help you deal with the depression.
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Melissa
Pain predominant w/occasional C.
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It certainly doesn't help if your family isn't being supportive. I understand. I've been there ...
Perhaps you just have an ultra-sensitive case of IBS like I do. I got my IBS stable ages ago by following Heather's diet and lifestyle rules. Personally I don't recommend her recipes ... just her diet rules. I also switched to eating organic food and I prepare all of my own food. I don't eat anything with additives or chemicals.
When you have IBS, you have to scrutinize everything you eat. Even eating one wrong thing or ingredient can trigger an attack. Unfortunately, it's that kind of illness.
You also have to be very patient in finding out what you can tolerate and what you can't tolerate. Some things on the "safe" list might irritate your IBS and some things on the "unsafe" list might be okay. Unfortunately, you have to find out through trial and error.
Stick with the diet and you will find wellness is just around the corner. Nowadays managing my IBS is second nature. I don't have to think much about it. I know what I can safely eat and not eat and I feel well most of the time.
The most important thing is you have the knowledge through information posted on this website to know how to help yourself. It's just a question of putting it into action and seeing some positive results.
It's best not to think of your IBS in a negative way ... like, why you have this affliction. When you look around, you'll see almost every person you know battles something in their life -- whether it's health, family, career or some other issue. Not too many of us escape a struggle of some type in our lives.
If I think of IBS in a negative way, then, yes, I resent the deprivation ... not being able to eat what everyone else eats. On the other hand, if I view IBS in a positive way, I realize I am much healthier than anyone I know because the IBS low fat diet is so much better for me than a fatty, junk food diet, which "normal" people usually eat. As well, IBS has forced me to switch to organic food which is also healthier. In short, IBS forces me to lead a healthy lifestyle (which includes fitness at the gym -- I never did any exercise before I had IBS) and I feel very healthy and well as a result.
I'm not sure if you are suffering from depression as much as just being plain fed up and frustrated with being ill all the time. But if depression is part of the picture, please consult a doctor. I suspect, though, your down feeling may lift once you see some positive results and start to feel better.
Belinda
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Lynx...feel free to e-mail me Ruchily@yahoo.com
Linz is right...get help for the depression. It helpsyour IBS feel better *hugs*
Many of us have been where you are...myself included. In fact, I thought I WAS dying during some of my attacks.
PLEASE get help so you ca get better. We cqare very much....
With love and prayers,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Please do go see you doctor now and ask about trying anti-depressants, just to get you past this period until you get stabilized.
Also, have you considered posting what you're eating, like WendySmiling has been doing? The people on the Board might spot some foods you're eating that are keeping you from getting stable.
Hang in there.
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[Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. - Sandra Boynton]
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