Not about food..... about dating.... HOW DO YOU DO IT?
#143052 - 01/26/05 02:05 PM
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taroh73
Reged: 12/28/04
Posts: 184
Loc: chicago, il
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Am I the only person on this board who is single? How have the rest of you been able to date normally. I can barely get out of the house to get a date, and when I do, it's almost too painful emotionally to try to explain to a stranger how your daily life is a roller coaster. I can't make dates most of the time because I have no idea how i'm going to feel when Friday night rolls around. And it is soo exhausting making it through a work week that all I want to do is collapse and relax once free time is around. (either that or find a new recipe...... plan a new attack...... go to the grocery store). Is anyone else in this boat. This has consumed my twenties.... and now i'm 32 and still single. People look at me like I am crazy b/c I am a very attractive and intelligent girl. I get a lot of "what's wrong with you... how can you still be single". Because my ass runs my life!!! LOL
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I am 24 and feel the same way as you do - I have so much gas and I need to expel it - WOW - not a good impression when you are trying to date someone - also everytime I eat I feel sick - DATING?????
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I've actually been wondering that too....how to date without telling them too much...its so frustrating
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my problem most of the time is to even be physically comfortable enough to go out and be relaxed in social situations
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hahahha
#143194 - 01/26/05 07:37 PM
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hahaha because my ass runs my life.. so classic! 
I know it sucks and its hard.. I'm slightly single (in the process of the beginnings of a potential relationship).. I just pop alot of immodium and gasx and pray that i'm safe.. it definitly suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks though.
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How do you explain cramps, gas, pain, food intolerances, etc to a person you are interested in? Nice first impression, right?! 
And since most dates involve restaurants, that's a double whammy.
I think I'm just gonna be single for a long long time.
It amazes me how many people on this board are currently dating. Maybe the IBS came after they met and fell in love already?
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I thought I was the only single person on the boards. Its an interesting question to ask. Thankfully for the most part I have been stable for about a year with a few exceptions here or there. What I try and do is make dates that don't involve eatin at least in the beginning. I also try and make the dates after work so usually my stomach is ok. Eventually if I meet up a couple of times and gain a comfort/trust level I can tell the girl about my IBS. I have never encountered anyone having a problem with my IBS. Maybe I have been lucky but all women I have dated were understanding. As for men, I can't speak for us but I wouldn't have a problem with a gal telling me she has IBS, but then again, I have IBS!
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Nope!
#143201 - 01/26/05 08:03 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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Since I started having IBS symptoms when I was 12... well, I would have had to start REALLY young! Heh. But seriously, that does mean that I've had IBS my entire dating life, so....
I think people in general are a lot more understanding than you'd think they'd be - especially when it's someone who's interested in you. I've dated/married/divorced/whatever quite a few men, and I refuse to believe I've just been lucky that many times. 
First date, I always took preventative imodium and carried more with me, and made sure to eat light and safe. Or suggest something that didn't involve much in the way of food - a movie and maybe a diner for coffee afterwards, or some hiking on the weekend, or something.
If things seemed to be going well, I laid on the IBS news right on the first date - but never later than the second date. What's the point of pretending it's a non-issue, or essentially lying by covering it up? If it ends up being a serious relationship, they're going to know anyway. Besides which, I always called it my "built-in @sshole filter" - if someone's going to be a jerk about my health problems, I want to know RIGHT AWAY, before I invest any time and emotional energy in a twerp like that.
Don't lose hope... there IS life (and dating!) after IBS. Honest. 
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Casey
#143207 - 01/26/05 08:09 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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I miss you!! I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while. Gotta send you an email, my friend!
BTW, you always seem to put a positive outlook on most things. How do you do that? But I honestly cannot see how dating and IBS can go together. Maybe if I was stable, but not now when I need a heating pack on my tummy all the time.
I hope you are well and not freezing your booty off!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I am 26 and have not really dated since IBS. I have many people tell me "you're so beautiful, you have a good job, your intelligent, strong, smart, blah, blah, blah, why don't you have a boyfriend"......I don't tell them why, i just say I have not found anyone who meets my requirements. But truly I am scared. The few dates I have been on, I had to Immodium my self so up, that then I was C for like 2 days, and I am usually D. And although my IBS is very stable, the stress of a date, always causes problems.
I tried dating. I tried explaining I have food allergies and intolerances and try to pick dates that don't involve food. But nevertheless it always leads to eating in some social situation and when i don't eat, people think I am weird or anorexic. One guy was really annoying and was like "well, what can you eat..what can you drink....what can you do", he had a bad attitude, i kicked him to the curb quick.
Anyway, you are not alone. I keep telling myself to give other guys a chance, but I am just happy right now not having to deal with it.
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I totally understand what you must be going through, it's hard for me to go out with my close friends a lot of the time because of IBS and my BF and I have been dating since before I got it, so I haven't had to deal with it yet. Is it possible to become friends with someone first, and then maybe you would feel comfortable enough with them to tell them about your IBS before you begin dating? I know that's not always easy to do, but it seems like the most comfortable way to go about it to me.
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~Angela
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Beth
#143226 - 01/26/05 08:56 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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Miss you too! I just emailed you again, haha. Wanted to make sure you were ok, but I sent you a recipe to try, too.
I honestly don't know how I keep the positive outlook sometimes. Determination, I guess. I think I've just had to deal with this so long that I *have* to be positive. If I wasn't, I'd be long gone by now.
I do have bad days, and plenty of them... trust me. Adam could tell you stories about the days I laid in bed, crying, because I just wanted to die already. Back at the beginning of last summer, that was every day. Now it's not so often - those are the days I don't post much, heh.
Hang in there, my friend. Like I said, there is life after IBS, it just takes a while to get the hang of it sometimes.
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Btw...
#143237 - 01/27/05 12:11 AM
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Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
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...for future reference, dating kinda belongs in the "LivingRoom"! Confusing, isn't it?
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Was actually thinking of posting something like this not long ago, glad you brought it up. I turned 20 2 weeks ago and have had ibs since I turned 15 so pretty much from people start having boyfriends....so you can imagine for me it had been really difficult especially as I only found heathers diet a year ago. Thats the reason I pretty much have avoided boyfriends and dating and all that....cos it just scares the hell out of me! Some of you may know about my twin situation on the message boards....if anything comes of it I am gona be terrified!! I am at uni aswell, everyone is young and so its difficult for them to explain. Its weird cos pretty much 5 mins after I started speaking to dan(the twin) I had to tell him I had stomach problems....cos he asked if I wanted a drink etc That made me realise what a big deal IBS is in my life...if I have to even talk about my stomach that soon after meeting someone!! 
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Natalie
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Absolutely know where you are coming from! I've just joined an online dating agency, and I bring up the IBS thing after a couple of meetings, and basically they either accept it or can get lost!! I've only had one date, so will let you know how it goes!! My stomach and ass run my life too!!! hehe
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Don't you find that it's hard to even make a date.... since you don't know how you feel on an upcoming night?
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I think I am more in the same boat as you are. I make all kinds of plans to get out there and date, but when the time comes, I am usually in so much agony that all I want to do is come home from work and either lay down or walk on the treadmill to relieve the pressure. And usually your mind is so swamped w/just wanting to feel better, who can concentrate on the person across the table!
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I'm so glad your experience is the same as mine (well no glad but you know). I get the same comments from people about being smart and pretty and blah blah. I've worked in the same place for the last 5 years and my coworkers just keep saying "I don't understand how you are alone"- and of course there is no way to explain. It sucks!
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My dating strategy has always been "keep it casual" as in....don't make solid plans.
If a guy asks you out on a friday night just say, "well gimme a call friday and we'll talk" and then when he calls on friday you'll know how you're feeling that day and if you're able to go.
It's always worked well for me....just have the whole "i have a very busy life so it's hard to make plans ahead of time" persona and you'll get away with it!! lol
I hate that my ass runs my life too!! LOL "my ass runs my life" ...that's hilarious....they should make a t-shirt that says that LOL
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I think Aus is a bit different to America. We rarely "date" and mostly go out to nightclubs or the movies or something. When I met my DH I didn't tell him which was hard as I stayed with him for 2 weeks after moving here before I found my own place. I didn't really think it was a huge issue that he know about from the word go and I didn't lie to him. I didn't want to say "Hi I'm Amy, I have diarreah all the time, how bout we go out?" so I just didn't say anything. Of course after a while he noticed I was sick an awful lot so as soon as he asked about it I told him. And he was great. By that time he had got to know "me" not "me and my IBS" and he was fine. If we happened to go out before he knew I just told him that certain foods made me feel really sick so I chose not to eat them and he never questioned that. Maybe it helped that he worked at a hospital but even now he thinks it sucks cause it takes up so much of my life and restricts us a lot but if someone loves you they love you anyway.
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Amy
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I know and my co-workers (3.5 years) are always wanting to hook me up, and i always find some reason why it won't work out. I also have a best friend (who does not know about my IBS), and she is also always trying to hook me up and doesn't understand why I don't like anyone she picks.
It does suck. I have been thinking of trying to date again, but it just freaks me out. I just tell my family that I'll be the old maid in the family.
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I know how you feel, even though it's pointless doing the oh poor me routine, sometimes i feel ripped off because while everyone else was out confidently strutting their stuff in their twenties and sorting out life partners etc, i was battling with the confidence-sapping day to day IBS. It's not easy to put your best foot forward and convince someone you've taken a liking to that you are the person for them when you are battling to feel like a normal person. I am staring down the barrel of 40! and while not single, don't really consider that i have met my soul mate either.
I have to say that i have made huge leaps forward in my health since finding this site (thanks H) and combining the hypno/fiber/eating better has brought me to near normalcy. Of course everyone is different but i suggest that you launch an all out attack using all means available to you to stabilise your health, allowing you to pursue far more important things such as dating a hottie!
All the best
Ralph
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If someone doesn't like my IBS they can take a hike! It's a package deal.
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Wow!
I was reading these posts while on the phone with my hubby and actually thanked him for dating me!
My IBS though was minimal then. If anything it was just begining to rear it's ugly head, but as a single mom I just couldn't go for a drink, coffee, or dinner without my kid so we basically didn't do any of that.
Maybe some of our date ideas can help.
First off we met on match.com.
We emailed eachother for over a month admiting tons about ouselves. It was after all that that we admitted our address and found out we lived a few blocks apart!!!
After just emailing we talked by phone for well over 2wks too.
Finnaly we dated....and married 9mos later!
But going so slow had the advantage that we knew alotta stuff bout eachother long before the first date.
If I'd had IBS then, I woulda admitted it and made it clear dating was gonna be hard.
If he was "the one" then he'd have to understand just as my husband understood I had a child and dating would be hard.
Our dates rarely involved food lol!
Instead we went on walks together mostly.
He took me on a drive to a secluded spot and we danced under the stars.
We watched movies together in the comfort of our apts.
We went to alotta parks together with my child...went to the zoo too lol.
We went to a pottery painting class even! lol
We went on a date to the library.
And inbetween we talked a lot by phone, email, letter and really got to know eachother.
He was and is a marvelous guy. He is very kind about my IBS too. Certainly no guy is worth being your lifelong partner if he can't deal with your IBS now. I'm sure he'd be a jerk about it later on too.
But try dating services. you can even say on your profile you have IBS and a typical date environment will be difficult and/or you'd like to email a long while beforehand.
Maybe even seek our partners that suffer from "similar" things that make getting a sincere partner hard. Like for example my 30yr old brother has Herpes and also can not have kids. I know he has a hard time and would probably tooootally not care to date a woman with IBS, he'd probably envy you! lol
I have a male friend who-long story why-has a colostomy bag now. He is only 25. He too would not care and probably identify with a woman who had IBS.
There are quite a few people in the World who are held back from typical dating/dates that would not give a hoot bout your IBS.
Everyone has that one soul mate....dang thing is trying to find him/her!!! 
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Amy
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You are very funny. I am married going on 16 years (I am 39 now)but I understand exactly how you feel, I know a young guy in his 20s who has the same dating problem you do because of UC. He just had his colon removed and a new one re-made, he is doing better but poops often.
My friends ask me to do things on weekends - I have to explain that I need time to relax after the long stressful work week - not that work is stressful but dealing with UC IS! Maybe check on line with a IBS dating service - there must be one. I hope you hook up soon but make sure you have at least two bathrooms so you can have one and he can have another. I pray for a cure for all of us! Have a great weekend.
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And that's always been my attitude about it too. Can't deal with my health problems? Then I can't waste my time on ya, sorry.
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Oh ya. I will never put up with someone that makes me feel like it's gross or a burden to them. I will just say......next...
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Casey
#154348 - 02/26/05 03:36 AM
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Casey I agree. I think it's good to get health issues out in the open and to see if they're strong enough to deal with it. I would like to think that we all have much to offer that our IBS won't get in the way.
If someone likes us enough to want to date us, then they should also need to accpet that there are certain things we can't eat, etc. We still lead normal lives.
Hey I've only been with my EX throughout my whole IBS time. It will be a good filter for any prosepective new men. he he I know it won't be a problem though.
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Bit of a story for you.....my last relationship mainly caused my IBS!!! So was single for a while, then I joined an online dating agency - sad for a 27 year old..BUT...that way you can get to know them via email first, and casually slip in to conversation about not going out for many meals etc and having a digestive disorder (obviously you don't blurt it out straight away) and the ones that run away are the ones not worth having - but the ones who stick around are stayers!! I am now seeing a guy from the site have been since the New Year - and he's fully conversant with my problem and is very sympathetic to it (so far!!). He used to be a chef so can cook up all kinds of stuff!! Fingers crossed it all goes well eh!! So there's a bit of good news for us IBS daters!
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I've never had problems with people knowing I have stomach problems (boyfriend, parents, work colleagues). I am actually also recovering from anorexia and that was much harder to deal with. I've also had severe stomach problems and tendencies to bloat and have diarrhea since I was a kid, so maybe I'm used to it by now. My boyfriend is fine with it, even when I get bloated and turn into a fartmonster from the arse lagoon!
I've never really dated, however, just had two long-term boyfriends...
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"This is truly the age of bacteria: as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be."
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