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It's a big group of great people and loyal friends. But every time we get together and there's a meal involved, they always want to go to the same restaurants (the ones that always make me sick). I haven't told them about my special crybaby bowels, so they don't know why I always suggest a Thai place, or a sushi place, or something like that. But I am almost always vetoed. I really don't want to broadcast my stomach issues, but I feel weird making some lame excuse about having to get home early, or ordering almost no food at all once we get there. But why do they always have to go to those pub-type burger places?
Do I really have to tell all of them that I have IBS?
sperry_twiggins
Edited by sperry_twiggins (06/16/03 03:29 PM)
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Nugget, your Mom is unfair. There is no need to feel guilty about not having children or whatever it is she wants to challenge you with. Your Mom, unfortunately, has decided that she wants to set a standard that is not applicable in todays world. Does your Mom know what is required of the young people of today? Her times are easy compared to what you have been thru. DO NOT feel guilt for what you do with your life. You are an individual. It is your life and your partners. I say this with 41 years behind me. I can tell you this,LIFE IS ABOUT BEING HAPPY, and if people around you can not deal with that, then that is their problem. Remember, HAPPINESS is the key. Lots of love. 
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I found it extremely helpful to tell my friends. That way, I can be blunt and honest with them and still end up enjoying the rest of the evening. They were kind and sympathetic and had no idea. It's not really broadcasting it if they're really your friends. Remember, friends care about each other. They might surprise you. You could say that you're embarrassed to say this but you have food and digestion issues and you have to be careful with what you eat. If they ask for details and you're comfortable, then you could explain IBS.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Thanks Han Solo,
I know you're right. I guess it's a pride thing. I don't want anyone to know I'm not "perfect." Although they probably already think I'm a pain in the butt because I'm such a "finicky" eater. I will try to overcome my pride and tell them. Thanks for the support.
xxoo,
sperry_twiggins
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Nugget, I know exactly what you're talking about. My mom is the same way (maybe worse). I went through a divorce a couple years ago and my parents were there to support me, help me watch my kids and help in other ways. Well, I am getting remarried this year. My ex-husband's parents were deceased and his other family members lived in other states and he didn't keep in close contact with them so we spent almost every holiday with my family. Now, my fiance's family live out of town and his 7 year old daughter lives 11 hours away from us. He is extremely close to his family (all of whom I love also). Anyway, he hasn't seen his daughter in several months so we planned a vacation to Florida (where his mom lives) with my two kids and his daughter over the 4th of July. We needed to work around his work schedule, his daughter's camp schedule, etc. and found this to be the perfect time. Well, my mother had a fit. She said she was extremely hurt that we planned this vacation then when we know she always has a big 4th of July picnic (which only includes my family, my sister's family and my aunt). She said she has watched my kids, been there through my divorce and I do this to her! I explained the scheduling issues, etc. and she said "Fine, go spend the holiday with HIS family!" and then hung up on me. Never mind that we spent Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Mother's Day and Father's Day with them. For some reason she is extremely jealous of in-laws. She does the same thing with my sister. Now I'm dealing with her and my ex-husband is taking custody of my 13 year old son next month (by bribing him with dirt bikes, dogs, etc). No wonder I'm have some serious IBS problems lately!!!! Oh well, no matter what, at least I've got a great daughter and fiance to help me through. Good luck to you.
Edited by dlt647 (06/17/03 10:45 AM)
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Hang in there. It will likely be a relief to get it out in the open. Almost EVERYONE I have told about IBS has said "oh, so and so has that, too". People are becoming more aware. 20% of the population has this - so it's nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't ask for it. Think of it as your one and only imperfection (we all have a few, right?) and be proud it's not something you caused - it's just something you have to deal with. None of us are perfect, sweetie. Time to let your friends support you.
Oh, and at the pub type places, ask for a plain grilled chicken breast one a plain white toasted bun (no butter or mayo) and whatever you want on the side (ie a baked potato, steamed veggies,). I always go for the chicken - it's usually a safe option. 
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I have a couple of friends who know but don't get it. One of them even works with a friend of her family who has suffered for years from the same problem. She still doesn't understand that I don't like to go out to eat and I don't like to go to bars. She gives me attitude when I try to explain it to her, but she doesn't understand. Everyone else is pretty undertanding. I guess I'll have to keep working on her.
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Laurie 
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission - Eleanor Roosevelt
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All my family members that I know of (I don't know them all since my family is not civil to each other and loving) are triggers for me. My family is really disfunctional sadly. It makes me sick.
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Thanks - that's a good idea to order it plain. Usually the chicken dishes are coated or swimming in something that really sets me off. I'll remember your advice next time. Both 'advices.'
Thanks so much!
sperry_twiggins
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My whole family is a trigger! My parents are divorced and I live with my dad when I'm not at college. He means well, I know he does, but boy can he trigger an attack! My advice to you is to act calmy around them and just let whatever they say roll off your back. If you don't show much of an interest people tend to stop harassing you. I know it's easier said than done, but once you realize that the attacks are merely based off of your reaction to what they have done, then it becomes easier to control. Good luck!
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