Date day with husband ruined by IBS
#102879 - 08/31/04 02:01 PM
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heather7476
Reged: 08/09/04
Posts: 2996
Loc: South East Michigan
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My husband and I have been looking forward to my daughter starting pre school for awhile now. She goes on tuesday's and wednesday's. My husband has monday and tuesday's off.
We had been looking forward to going to luch just the two of us on tuesdays.
Well needless to say that is out the window. I felt realy depresssed today when we dropped off DD and came home and made sandwiches. I swear to God I am ready to say screw it and eat what ever I want and just deal with the effects.
It is like this messing up all the things we have been looking forward to.
I am affarid to volunteer at my DD school because I never know how much pain I am going to be in. I can't go on date nights anymore because they were always movie and dinner. If I could just get rid of the pain I would fine.
It doesn't help that my monthy friend is here. I feel like someone is trying to rip out my lower stomach. God I just want normal back. It is so hard to face the fact that my life is never going to be what I thought it was. My DH keeps saying this is going to get better everything will be fine. He thinks it is going to go away that this just something wierd I am going through and eventullay it will all get back to normal.
I don't think he gets it. Plus the few people I have told say things like oh my sister(or whoever they know) has that it will only bother you once in awhile the rest of the time you'll be fine.
I don't know what to think anymore. It amazing to me how much our tummy's and food can mess up our lives. Well I went on longer than I had planned. I just needed to get it out. You guys are the only ones who realy get it and know how it feels so BIG THANK YOU'S. I just gotta get over feeling like my lfe is over and then feeling silly for feeling that way.
Thanks for Listening
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Heather7476
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I am so so sorry for you and totally understand everything you are going through. everything. nobody gets the true impact of ibs but the sufferers themselves. nobody. there are so many phases psychologically in dealing with ibs, and you are going through the 'f**k this, i am going to suffer anyway so I might aswell just eat what i want'. its not always going to be this way.
listen, the problem with this disease is that if we only stick to the diet 95%, that 5% may just still ruin us...so we feel like we are doing so much and nothing seems enough. it takes total utter antisocial bloody commitment to stick through the first few months of finding out what you can and cannot eat, what works for you etc...and rewards will come, slowly but surely, but also possibly rapidly too!!! I KNOW its easier said then done (I have had this since I was 15...I am now 25)...but you HAVE to totally committ.
My ibs has recently deterioated following a virus and I am currently eating only 11 different things and slowly but surely reintroducing foods, with good and bad results. I just got married so can relate on the romantic front.
I keep a food, time and symptom diary and it helps me feel and actually GAIN control over this bugger disease. I AM achieving some truths here. Its two steps forward and one back but I WILL get there and so will you. You just have to start.
Have you tried going back to complete basics, like a baby and re weaning yourself onto food??? Maybe you have and I have just written that whole paragraph on relearning how to eat!!!
Let yourself have a good cry, put your fist through the pillow, hug your husband and you WILL get better. There is no choice but to do everything possible to minimise symptoms through food management.Ultimately you are the only one that suffers if you eat whatever and you are only going to go on a downward spiral.
I hope I helped. I know what I am saying makes it sound like a piece of cake...believe me, I KNOW its not...I cry often about this. Its incredibly hard and challenging.
Good luck XXXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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I know how you feel--Hubby and I used to go to lunch together and then go grocery shopping when the kids went to school. He asked me to go to lunch the other day--I felt tooo bad. IBS does suck!!!! I get so tired of being sick. Hubby asked me today when I got home from school (I go to college fulltime) how I felt and I said It would be easier to tell him when I actually feel good--I even get sick of telling people that I dont feel good.
I know these boards are a great place to come when you've had a bad day--everyone here knows what it is like. I do beleive by sticking to the diet, things will get easier.
Do soemthing special for yourself--take a nice walk, take a nap (I'd love one!), maybe read a great book. Try to reward yourself with somehting other than food. Just know that there are lots of people who understand what you are going through.
Take care
Missy
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Oh, sweetie, I know it's really hard. I just had plans with my hubby called off on Sunday because of my other chronic illness, fibromyalgia. I was SO mad and SO discouraged. But don't give up hope. I have gotten my IBS under control and have been D-free for over 7 months now. I no longer fear going out to dinner. I no longer have to cancel plans because I'm too wiped out after a night of D. And I'm no longer limited to white rice and boiled chicken!
So even though you and I and everyone will still have IBS the rest of our lives, things WILL get better. I'm living proof. And I was a tough case. I lost track of the number of restaurant dinners where I had to rush to the ladies room, not once, not twice but THREE times before the evening was over. YUCK! Once I had to say goodbye to my friends by yelling out the ladies room door because I couldn't get up from the toilet. How mortifying!
Sometimes life is just not fair.
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Wow did you hit the nail on the head about where I am in my head right now. I do feel like saying F**k it. I am so mad and sad. I just can't get a grip. I keep telling myself it will be ok but is so hard. This is has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Then I feel silly for saying that because it's food not life or death. 
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I just feel like I am going slowly crazy. I know deep down it will get better but it is hard to remeber that sometimes.
I am keeping a diary of food,Bm.and meds with notes on the pain for the day to take to my GI next week. I did the what to eat when you can't eat anything for two weeks I am starting to add in some foods. I realy cheated this weekend Pizza and salad and a cheesebruger. I didn't notice a change in BM just more pain. I am getting back on track today. My DD husband had a five day weekend and I just wanted it to be like old times  So I cheated. I am not proud of it as a matter of fact I am realy ashamed that I did it. Well anyway Thank you so much for understanding.
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Heather7476
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Thanks LauraSue
I feel like such a Whiner. I hope I have as much success with this as you.(which by the way yeah for LauraSue) I hope I am strong enough to do this. It is weird but if this was my husband or daughter(not that I would EVER whish this on them) I would be like ok no more of this in the house and would never even blink about the change in diet because it would make them better. But I feel like I am letting everybody down and trying to keep a noraml life and get better at the same time and it is just not working.
I would not even know what to order in resturant.
Thanks for the support
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Heather7476
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Have you been checked for endometriosis??? Your period problems and IBS could be linked and endo could be the cause!!
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Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thanks. These boards are the only thing keeping me sane right now. I just realy miss my life. I also get sick of telling people I don't feel good. I have caller ID and have started screening my calls because I am sick of people asking me if I feel better yet. I know they mean well but I am tired of saying no I don't feel better yet. I am tired of feeling like I am just trying to surive every day. I have also become grocery store phobic. I hate going I never know what to buy anymore. I buy DD and DH their food and then feel depressed because I can't eat it. UGGG 
Thanks so much
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Heather7476
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I don't think I have been. How do they test you? I have been wondering about female issues because I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and then out of nowhere this starts. I had no problems getting pregnant the first time. I am going back on the pill till this is under control. I had an ultrasound and everything was fine. The doc thought I might have had POC but nope.
Thanks
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Heather7476
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The only way to confirm an endometriosis diagnosis is through laparoscopic surgery, but don't have that done by anyone other than an expert in laser surgery to remove endometriosis. You want to get diagnosed and fixed in one shot. Repeated surgeries can compound the problem by causing scar tissue.
The second most common symptom of endo is gastrointestinal problems. The first most common is pelvic pain, especially during periods.
Endo can grow not just on your reproductive organs but also into your bowels. It also can cause infertility but that can often be fixed with the surgery.
I had no problem getting pregnant the first time but the second time it took me three years because I had endo. It took a year and a half for me to realize I had a problem and to get diagnosed.
Do some reading on Internet sites about the links between GI problems and endo and see if it rings any bells for you.
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Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Quote:
Thanks LauraSue
I feel like such a Whiner. I hope I have as much success with this as you.(which by the way yeah for LauraSue) I hope I am strong enough to do this. It is weird but if this was my husband or daughter(not that I would EVER whish this on them) I would be like ok no more of this in the house and would never even blink about the change in diet because it would make them better. But I feel like I am letting everybody down and trying to keep a noraml life and get better at the same time and it is just not working.
I would not even know what to order in resturant.
Thanks for the support
Thanks, Heather, I appreciate it. And you just said something very wise. If it was your husband or daughter, you'd do EVERYTHING you could to help them. Sweets, you are every bit as important as they are. You HAVE to start treating yourself the same way you'd treat them. I used to have the same problem and I would just ask myself, "Self, what would you suggest to your best friend if it was her?" And then I'd do it, even if I felt like I didn't deserve it. You have to take good physical care of the temple your soul lives in. So please, start treating yourself EXACTLY the same you'd treat your husband or daughter if it was them. OKAY???!!! I can be very insistent on these things, just ask Bevrs or JenX!! So you have to PROMISE!!! Otherwise I'm going to turn up on your doorstep and give you a serious talking to, young lady!! And I'm actually traveling to southeastern Michigan this very weekend, so you better watch it!! 
Seriously, Heather, you're going to be fine, I promise. We all need pity parties sometimes, so you just whine away all you want, girlfriend! We've got your back!!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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Thank you so much LauraSue. I promise I will try to take better care of myself. I don't know why I think my DD and DH are more important than me. I just feel like I am supossed to take of them not make things harder. I am always saying sorry to them for all this. It makes my DH mad when I do. My mom is always getting mad at me for saying sorry for things I shouldn't be sorry about or are out of my control. I just relized I felt this way today not important enough for all this fuss. I don't know
You are welcome on my doorstep any day. You have been such a huge support and inspration to me. Thank you so much for everything.
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Heather7476
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Thanks I will look in to it for sure. Thanks for the advice.
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Heather7476
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Heather- IBS does sometimes get better.. but it takes time to get there.. and you will have bouts. but I think the advice below is good- get checked if its so much worse that time of the month...
also, *HUG* if your up to it and I have time, we can try to get together sometime... its not that bad and I have things fairly under control belly wise right now, not perfect, but with the stresses in my life right now (another fire, and a death in the family yesterday) I can't expect it to get better.. and now my grnadmother is mad because Bill and I won't be at my grandfathers 80th birthday party which is 3 weeks earlier then I expected it to be (so it can be on a holiday weekend) and there is no way I can get the days off even if I wanted them. we had 2 weddings this year and saw my grandparents in May for my grandmothers 80th, and I work weekends and only get 2 weeks a year off.. I have to take time off to do anything my family or my husbands family does and people just dont' get that its more important for me to maintain a job and income and medical benefits then to go visit them when they feel like i should- my folks have been yelling I haven't seen their new house yet either- same issue. My sister has.. but she's a teacher.. and she and her husband have the same days off.. we dont' get that luxury- to have a day together, one of us has to use a vacation day. ah well...
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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I would love to get together when we get a chance. Sorry to hear about the family trouble. I have the same problem with my dad,stepmom and step siblings. They get real mad if I can't make every thing. My husbands days off are weekdays and every other weekend. He works a 12 hour shift every day so we just can't make it to every event and they don't get it. So I can relate on that front. Talk to you soon. And Thanks.
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Heather7476
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You're very welcome, Heather sweetie!
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Laura
Keep it simple!
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your welcome and thats just it- its not like my parents have always worked weekdays and had a lot of money but they have no understanding now... its annoying..... and yes- we can get together when its good for you.. maybe I'll drive out there at some point... you don't work outside the home, correct? so if I tried to come out on my days off it would work.
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Yep that would work. On Tuesday,and Thrusday Kenna has school and on Wednesday she has art class but that is only till 11:00 am so just let me know. Do you still have my number?
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Heather7476
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yup- wil contact you offlist once life settles out.. was thinking of driving that way on a thurs.. I have Thurs and Fri off, and if I head out about 9 or so I should miss the worst of the traffic... and still have time to visit... if you'd rather a later in the day visit, can do that too...
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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This thursday? I have to take my daughter to school at noon and then go grocery shopping  . I have been avoding the grocery store like the plague so I am out of about everything. DH was like "please tell me your going to the store tomrrow". So I kind of got to go. It is much easier to go while she is at school. Friday I am free. Next Thursday is my GI app. (very nervous). Let me know. I would love to get together.
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Heather7476
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I was thinking next week or the week after as I have a to do list this week.. let me see what happens.. if its not next week, we'll probably have ot wait a week or 2, because I cna't come the week of Rosh Hashona and probably the week before and after will be a zoo too... we'll see..
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Ok sounds good. Just let me know.
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Heather7476
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