ibs and sex drive
#100813 - 08/24/04 07:17 AM
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daliatree
Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York
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this is a really sensitive subject for me, and one for the ladies too...this is the only place where I can go to ask...
I got married two months ago to a man I adore, and a month before the wedding I caught a stomach virus that turned my ten years ibs c into an ibs d time and I am only now starting to get it under control. Its been a nasty three months. Challenging, emotional and hard. On top of all of that I feel like I have been this exhausted person, and have very little interest in sex. I always used to have a healthy sex drive (I am 25) and suddenly, I would rather drink my peppermint tea and sleep. I know its not about my husband because I have no desires towards other men. I feel like I want to let my body rest, in every way, that its tired and worn out and sex requires energy and focus and I feel I don't have it. My husband is very understanding but he has a very high sex drive and I feel I am not satisifying him, even though he doesn't say that. A lot of the time I am having sex because I want to make him happy, and certainly not because I desire it. I simply don't. Its making me so so so so sad. I feel partly not human, I can't enjoy food (I am a food lover), I can't enjoy sex....I suffer with a lot of vaginal infections aswell and am on a low dose pill and wondering if any of this is connected...been on the pill for five years and never noticed this problem.
I feel so sad.
I know this is a personal delicate issue for a lot of people, but I really have nowhere else to turn.
Thank you for listening XXXXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Hi Dalia  !! Don't worry you are not alone here....since I am still trying to get this diet to work for me (and my willpower to work for me!!) I am still suffering most days and those days when I am in pain and so bloated and constipated that all I want to do is lie on my stomach and be pissed off at the pain I have absolutely no sex drive! besides feeling so unsexy because of the pregnant sized bloat I jsut feel gross! Don't feel too bad, you are not alone AND it sounds like your husband is very understanding, and yes, he may get frustrated sometimes, i know my boyfriend does but the streak that you are going through will not last forever, you will get better and back on track with the diet and once you feel better i guarentee you the sex drive will come back   ! those days when i actually have managed to have a BM and my stomach is flat again i feel like a rockstar and make sure to take advantage of it and go and grab my boyfriend as soon as possible!! So, its frustrating now and you are not alone, and know that it WILL get better!! IBS IS hard on the body, it does make you tired and mentally it is absolutley exhausting i think.. so don't be so hard on yourself, talk to your husband and remind him that once you feel better, all of his patience and understanding now will reap some nice rewards from you
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You are so not alone. I have been feeling the same way my self. I just don't want to be touched or bothered with it. I suffered for five years form croinc pain of the vulva  It made sex so painfull. I would go into remisson with help of meds but sex was still not comfortable. After having my daughter it all went away. The doc at U of M said she stretch my nerve endings and reset my nerves that were sending messages of pain to the brain, this all started after a yeast infection ( which became cronic also) when I was 19 and just married. Since my daughter's been born Our sex life was great and I felt human again. Things were going realy good.
Now this. I feel like we are right back to where we were three years ago. Only now it is my stomach, but still realy effecting our ove life. My husband is so understanding. He never, through any of it was upset about the sex because he loves me and sex is just an bennefet a realy good one agreed but not the most important.
I realy belive once we find the right combos of everthing and get to feeling better Sex will come back to us. I for one think once I get my deppresion under control it will help.
Be strong honey your man loves you and will understand. Big HUGS. Feel free to e mail me if you want to talk about this some more and don't feel embarssed to post things on this boared. Honey most of us have been there. Sorry if I rambled it's a bad habbit. 
Good Luck
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Heather7476
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Dalia- I have definitely been there.. and again lately, though its only the last few months this time, poor Bill has wound up going almost a year between sexual situations with me a few times because it was so bad... when I don't feel good, I don't have energy either, and just don't want to be touched... if he loves you, he will understand and work with you to get your health back on track before pressuring you into sex... I have also noticed that when my belly is out of whack big time I seem to get more yeast infections then at other times and I know I was that way as a child as well.
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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I have the same problem! My tummy bloats up so big and gets so tender, I can't stand ANY pressure on it! I don't have much desire for sex but usually feel better after! I am also trying to get pregnant, so, sex is a pretty important thing for us to be doing!!
So, added to the big tummy and pain is "Oh honey, I'm ovulating, we HAVE to have sex TODAY!" I'm 33 and have been married almost 5 years. I hope no one is offended by my frank comments here but, I have found a few adult tapes to be helpful! Also, doggie style works well to keep all the pressure off my tummy! And don't be afriad to use a little lubrication to gets things ready down there!! I find that if I can actually have an orgasim, sometimes that helps relax my tummy muscles and I will feel a bit better!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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words cannnot describe how comforting all your words are to me!!
having an orgasm definetely helps relax my tummy!! but I am not able to orgasm through penetration alone which means hubby has to play with me, which is fine, but since I have endless vaginal infections I kind of don't want him down there. I feel like its yucky (I used to be such a free relaxed lover!). Doggy is the way forward apart from making it hard to hold your anal sphincter shut if there are huge farts wanting to escape...I've had many close shaves!!! :-)
I am so glad I am not the only one who's sex drive is effected. I mean, it makes sense when you are ill not to have a sex drive but once IBS becomes a permanent fixture you forget that you are an 'ill' person because its just a chronic pain in the ass, pun intended. I have spent ten years with this damn thing so I forget I can count myself as bad as someone with a tummy flu when the attacks come. I really should cut myself some slack.
Adult movies definetly help and they were something that used to always get me going. Thats when it hit me that I am not satisfying my husband because it used to be a fun thing we did together occassionally and now he is doing it on his own and not telling me because he is worried I will get upset. Fair enough, because I am so sensitive that I am not being the wife I wanted to be.
Thank you so much again and good luck with getting pregnant michele!!
XXXXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Of course you can talk about this here - I think we're all affected by this at some point. Some great comments here! Hope they help.
Is your hubbie bothered by farts! Because mine isn't particularly and he knows that sometimes I just can't help it when we have sex and we just laugh about it. It helps not to worry about that!
Also, take a holiday! You need to relax and recover. If you'd been through pneumonia or cancer or something, you wouldn't be suprised at needing time to recuperate. A bad IBS-flare can be just as debilitating. Spending time relaxing with your hubby will help loads.
Another "adult" suggestion - "toys" can help you orgasm quicker, which will make you more relaxed (and therefore hurt and worry less) for sex.
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its funny about me and farting. I always swore I would never fart infront of my man....I travelled around the world with my husband (then my boyf) at the very beginning of our relationship (infact we met on the internet on a travel website and fell in love cyberly and met a day before we began the trip!!) anyway.....we went to new zealand, australia, singapore, thailand, laos, cambodia, vietnam and india...the whole time my ibs c was bad of course (though I totally prefer it to d, my recent form of ibs!). I would blow up like a balloon and run to the toilet every five minutes at night so as not to fart in bed. Asaf (my husband) would BEG me to let rip as he was always very free with his farts.
Only when we got to India, I got so bloated from three indian meals a day that I finally let go. He was so impressed with my fart skills!!! Since then they are a huge source of laughter for us....I never get embarrassed about the noise, but I do feel ashamed when they stink!
I have never farted during sex...perhaps I should!!! hahahha I don't think Asaf would mind, he is so laid back!
I am going to go and buy some toys!!!!
really love you all XXXXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Oh Geez! You poor thing! I understand completely. Aside from being tired and wanting to rest, it isn't very romantic to have all those creaking, gurgling and bubbling noises ruminating either huh?  I've been married for 9 years and it isn't any less difficult! And unlike most people, I'll confess that I'm *not* married to a SNAG (sensative new age guy, lol) I'm married to a grouchy old fashioned one who has no concept. missyb
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yeah farting can only be laughed at! i mean, really, it is hilarious, and my boyfriend and i laugh about it all the time. same with BM's, I am C and he says its great being in a relationship with someone with ibs-c because every time i poop its like a party--i am so happy afterwards!
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Hubby & I laugh all the time about his farts. Sometimes we even have names for them. They are really long and "loud". Sometimes they sound like a tune. He eats lots of beans. Ha Ha
After being married 37 years you laugh at the dumbest things.....but we have a great time.
Unfortunately, I have trapped gas so I'm not so much fun in that department. I would love to let one go like he does. 
Barbie
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Every time you poop it's like a party afterwards - I know the feeling!
I am IBS-D, but every time I have a normal BM, I'm like running around the house laughing and so excited. My husband loves to make fun of me in that department (all in good humor of course), but sometimes after he poops he'll run out screaming like me and laughing. At least we can joke about it right??
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~Cara~
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