I need some advice....
#146661 - 02/04/05 10:16 AM
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Shell Marr
Reged: 08/04/03
Posts: 14959
Loc: Seattle, WA USA
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I need some advice....
I found out last night that the Mother of one of my Instructors (Heather) for the one of classes that I take at the gym passed away. She will not be returning until next week.
I did not find this out at MY gym, but rather by a lady at the grocery store that I have seen at MY gym. Heather also trains at the location where this lady goes. Therefore, I don't know that anyone at MY location really knows anything.
Heather and I have really been bonding and I have even talked to her about me getting a multi location gym membership so that I can go to the gym location that she does "personal one on one training". And we have a lot of fun in the class....I'm kind of the class clown!
My question is...........IF, MY location has not been told about this....what should I do?
Should I get her a card?
Should I get her a gift?
Should I just give her a hug (preferably before we are all sweaty)?
Should I just tell her I'm sorry for her loss?
Should I do nothing? (in fear of upsetting her)
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My opinion is that if you feel close to her you should get her a card or write her a note. This lets her know you know and care (cause it would suck if you pretended not to know and she found out you did), but allows her to keep her privacy and read it when she wants to.
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Since losing someone is not a secret and support is what people really need at that time, I think that a card or even a personal I'm sorry is appropriate. Most of the time you hear about someone's loss from somone other than that person because people don't go around announcing that their loved one passed away. I am sure she would really appreciate the kind words!
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Card is a good idea, I am not sure she will care about how you know. and if she asks and you tell her, she will not mind cause it is evidence that she is a good instructor/trainer if two people from different gyms have had a conversation about her. News about this stuff travels fast, everyone knows.
The card is very nonconfrontational, and if she wants to keep it on the DL no one else has to know.
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-Sheri
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I found out from someone who lives next to one of the nurses I like at the chiropractors that her unexpected leave of absense from work is because her aunt died and she had to fly to OK for the funeral (took the week off)... and even though no one in the office told me, when I have my appt next week and see her I will quietly say something if I haven't had time to make her a card between now and then.
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
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Fructose and MSG intollerant
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I would definitely get her a card. I don't think it matters how you found out. She will definitely appreciate your support and knowing that you care.
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Thanks everyone... I will get her a card...and discreatly give it to her. I'm glad I asked... I was just not sure how to handle it. Thanks again.
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Just wanted to let you all know how it went.
Heather was at class Tues night (the 1st time she had left the house)
I brought a card with me to the gym on Monday and asked some of the other regulars that also take Heather's class with me to sign it. Then I brought it in on Tues and others were able to sign it as well before class started.
I handed it to her before class... she said, "oh you heard".... then she opened it... and said...."AAAAwww..... you guys" then said..."I'll be right back...I'm a little misty" (she was laughing)... then came back in the room and said, "don't think I'm gonna be any easier on you guys tonight!!" 
During the class she would look up and say...."come everyone.... make Momma proud....she is watching us!"
Guess Heather had been her Mom's care taker for the last 10 months, she had suffered some brain damage and had lost her short term memory. She passed in her sleep from a stroke at the age of 57.
I'm really glad we did the card....it really touched her...
Thanks everyone for your advice.
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Ahhh, Shell
#148140 - 02/09/05 09:46 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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that was sweet! I think that was a wonderful thing you did. I can't stand it when people ignore others when they are going through something like this. It is best to acknowledge it, even if it does cause tears! This shows her how much you care and love her---and I'm sure she appreciated it so much.
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