Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards

Spring of my freshman year of college, I felt like my world was falling apart. I was constantly getting sick (undiagnosed IBS I later found out), I was eating 1 meal a day, I was down to 85 lbs (I'm 5'4"). I had cheated on my boyfriend with a good friend of mine and began dating that friend, which blew up in my face, but not because of my boyfriend. My friend's very possessive ex-girlfriend, who was also a friend of mine, made my life a living hell, and made me feel like I was the worst person in the world for being with my friend. We ended up breaking up because we couldn't handle dealing with her. My father had been in a serious car accident earlier that year, and was very different due to the pain and the meds (I've always been a daddy's girl and very close to my dad). I was very lost and lonely, and took to taking walks to an old bridge in Philly and sitting on the ledge of one of the pillars. I almost jumped the one night, decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I was also cutting myself, slashing the hell out of my lower legs with a pair of scissors and then shaving my legs to make it hurt worse (basically I felt like I had to punish myself). The only thing that stopped me from jumping was the though of my youngest brother, who I'm close to and who it would devastate if something happend to me. I couldn't do that to him. I managed to pull my life back together once I moved back home for the summer a few weeks later. I no longer really speak to either the friend I had cheated on my boyfriend with, nor his ex-girlfriend. My boyfriend and I got back together that summer, but broke up later that year due to just personality differences. I still struggle with cutting sometimes. I have twice since that spring, but the last time was last November. There are times I still want to, but my current boyfriend and my best friend know about the past two times, and it hurts them when I hurt myself, so that's the main thing that keeps me from doing it. My parents don't know, and I don't think I could ever tell them. I actually started cutting when I was in high school because my mother was very emotionally and physically abusive (and refused to admit it, anytime anyone suspected I was abused, I was lying according to my mom and my dad, though my dad never touched me). whew, enough for now...

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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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