I'm copying what I wrote elsewhere...cause I don't want to re-write it all..but here goes....
And another chapter of the saga...
Now, he's broken up with me. He's getting serious about me and that scares him. That's why I felt that feeling in my gut. i knew it. I KNEW IT!
dammit.
So I get a call last night, and it's Jason, he says he really likes me, is crazy about me, but isn't sure if he's ready for a relationship right now. Needs to take some time to be ALONE. Not date, but be ALONE. He might come back when he's ready.
He's been split for 1.5 years and isn't 100% over everything. No kidding...it was a six year marriage, an eight year relationship. He's NOT going back to her at ALL, but realizes there's some stuff he's still apprehensive about.
Basically, he likes me so much he can't be with me. What a stinking soap opera. It's the most mature and heartbreaking thing anyone's ever done to me! It's like stopping the rollercoaster at the very top. It was just getting really good.
So I told him we both needed time to sort things out, and yes, I'd give him time, and he said he knows I have unfinished business, anger etc. toward Trev.
This is TWO DAYS AFTER I give in and introduce him to Kayleigh. It took some serious thinking and guts, but we said, over and over, that we had some great long term potential. Even last night, we said that. He'd had me meet his daughter several times, plus his soccer team AND his roommate, so I guess I thought it was OK...
Stupid trusting, and loving me. I could KICK myself for that. I told him i was SOOO angry about that, because she's the heart of my heart and more dear to me than anything. How dare he? 
I know that I was NOT ready for a date that soon after Trevor and I split either, and almost fainted right before the date. But then when I started getting to know him, I saw how VERY much more stable and good for me he would be, so because we're both soooo sensitive and open, we did let our emotions get carried away. Thankfully, not our BODIES!
We were almost to the point of "I love you" too, and I'm so glad I guarded myself from that. I did tell him that if we did get back together, it would likely BE love so he'd better be prepared for that should he choose to return.
I get that if it's meant to be, he will come back, and if not, then luckily it was only a month. I will give him some time and space, and NOT call, though that's gruelling... but I said I don't know how long...he jokingly said Five years? Ten years? I said not likely!
But,if all else fails and we do not get back together, I learned a lot from Jason. He taught me that I know just what I'm looking for in a long term-partner. He has it ALL,except the commitment part!!! If we still have healing to do from our marriages, though, then we'd better do that. If we're together in the future, then good.It'll be an amazing thing. If not, as the adage goes, it was never meant to be.There IS a wonderful love out there for me, and thankfully, I have God's love (and finally some self love) to pull me through this mire.
He also taught me that I CAN put up boundaries and keep to them, and not be devastated and tossed aside. That was a big one for me.
Now, speaking about my marriage, er divorce...
I know for a fact I'm not getting back together with Trevor ever, because I see very clearly now how toxic he is for me. I have grown beyond the need or desire to be with him. We make such good friends, anyhow. We sat and tlaked for two hours like old friends yesterday, and I had no desire to so much as kiss him.
And by the way, I have a lawyer and stuff is nderway... I'll be retaining her snd starting the tough legal stuff in 2 weeks.
By the way, trevor informed me TODAY that his little girlfriend is moving in tomorrow. he apologized for the crappy timing. Ai yi Yi!  Anything else this world wants to throw at me this summer? C'mon! Put em up!!
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Coookie (08/02/06 12:59 PM)
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