i'm in that bad stressy place where i don't get frantic and manic, but get that upset sinking feeling of just not knowing what to do - work's been insane the last couple of days, and i'm putting together a reading on monday that's still not cast, and i just paid my credit cards (yes, plural) for the month, which is always a downer. feeling a little overwhelmed (i already work two jobs - what else am i supposed to do!), which turns into a strange sleepiness and wanting to just cover my head and hide. and also a bad impulse to eat. (i did have a couple of pieces of crystalized ginger to calm my stomach down, though - not ibs-ing, but that upset-nauseous thing.)
i ate lunch (sandwich) on the early side today, and though i don't have anything bad at work, i can feel the beginning of a grazing binge. i just keep going till i feel numb. it was the same when i bit my nails - the focus on the small repetitive task (biting my nails, or the repeated hand-to-mouth), and i zone out, kinda like staring into space or watching tv. a healthy coping mechanism it is not. also not a healthy way or reason to eat.
but i'm writing about it here rather than getting up and getting myself something to eat, because i'm not actually hungry, so i guess this is good, or at least some sort of a start.
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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