talked to a counsellor... WARNING-grown up language
#265383 - 05/24/06 06:58 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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and some stuff came out that I had no idea about.
Dh might have a porn addiction. The behaviours he is showing with the stuff going on to chatrooms is possibly a manifestation of an ADDICTION! She said all the things he's been doing are really strong indicators of an addiction-secrecy, not wanting to talk, possibly spilling over into gambling or alcohol addiction. I ahve seen him drink heavily in the past but when he quit, that's when he also began getting super into porn and that's also when our sex life went downhill.
Hmm. A big breakthrough and I totally want to talk to him about this.All along it was something I thought was no big deal but maybe he has an addiction. I did throw out literally boxes of porn when we got married, and then I found more after we wer married awhile...he stopped buying it when we got the Internet.
What do you all think?? It might explain why he doesn't know how to express what he's feeling! He really would ahve a hard time explaining that because it's not obvious!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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especially with the constant supply of porn on the internet. It wouldn't be too shocking considering the number of people who are using the internet for the viewing instead of buying magazines or videos.
I know this sounds horrible but there are some sites where people can call them and tell them what they would like to see done.
Sadly my darling fiance has to deal with cleaning up computers after people who download it on their computers at work get caught for violating the rules and he tells me about how stupid these people are to do it and think they won't get caught and the desperate need to get them into counseling.
Good luck. I hope you get the answers you deserve! Sounds like she is really helping you out! I am happy you were able to find someone to talk with. 
*hugs*
Michelle
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Hmmm, maybe that's why he doesn't like seeing you in lingerie. He associates lingerie with "bad", "sl@tty" women (although that's not true), and he doesn't want you to wear it because you're supposed to "good".
Still though, don't forget to see that lawyer.
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Now the tough thing is how to get him out of it. I'm doing research. I feel for the guy, he comes home so late and is probably lonely...but the way he's made me feel is that he thinks I'm awesome and he is just falling away. It makes sense. I can't wait to talk to him now.
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oh, i just want to cry.... this lady is really making me think.
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In the church we have a whole group of folks who work with men and women who have porn addictions. You just can not believe how addicting it is. But on the flip side I have seen husbands and wives get through it and over it, and become closer because of their working so hard to make their marriages work. So there is certainly hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Also, those addicted to porn need help and understanding. Hang in there, and keep the lines of communication open between you two.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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it's been around much longer than me and he's definitely had times where it's been a daily, many hours long occurrence... so it's scary in that sense. And he has had certain behaviours that were close to addictive in the past few years as well.
That's why I haven't given up you know? He looks so sad and bewildered as to why he's so unhappy. I just want to hug him!
i actually ENCOURAGED the crap, not knowing how pervasive and screwy it can be. 
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it is a phenomenal book and though it is weitten for men, I recommend it for women all the time. I have counseled many women regarding their husbands addiction to porn and all are grateful to have heard about and read this book.
I don't want to start a controversy on whether or not porn is good for a marriage because it seems not to bother some women, but I have counselled enough women that I know that it is hurtful.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Very interesting.
I knew a guy who was clearly addicted to porn but he was also addicted to sex and he and his wife had lots of sex so I don't think it hurt his relationship. I was friends with her but we never discussed it much.
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I read your other posts but I haven't had a chance to post and I also wasn't sure what to post. I was actually going to ask you if it might have to do with porn. It would make sense. I'm sorry you have to go through all this.
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