What do you guys think? (friendship-related post) - long
#259659 - 04/22/06 06:02 PM
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Ok some of you know that I recently moved to NYC from Canada to be with Tommy. Well I left some very good friends behind. Some of them are keeping in touch and even coming all the way to NYC for our wedding (two friends with their husbands).
But I haven't heard from two of them for MONTHS. I know it may seem obvious to just forget about them but I am hurt. They both promised to keep in touch and they haven't. One of them I haven't heard from AT ALL. She has a one-year old and is back at school part-time. But she promised to email me. I don't have her email address to contcat her. (I always called her).
The other emailed me very quick emails with only a question or two and nothing special. And I think it was ALWAYS me who event sent the emails and she just replied. So I stopped emailing her to see if she'd take the initiative. Did she? NOPE! 
Also I should mention that these two girls are friends with the ex and they're husbands are best friends with the ex. I know it's probably just best to forget about them as I never want to hear about the ex or have him get ANY info about me.
Distance should not be a factor as some of my closest friends live in: Toronto (Ontario), Calgary (Alberta), and Fredericton (New Brunswick) and the other two in Ottawa (Ontario). Emails are super easy and we've all stayed super close even though none of us have lived in the same city for ages!!! One lived in Ireland for a few years and one lived in Taiwan for a year!!! Now, I'm just rambling.... he he 
Am I silly to be kinda sad? Because I am. I know I'll go back to Ottawa at some point for a vist and I obviously won't bother letting them know about it but what if I ever run into them?
Something else really bugs me about this situation. They know that I'm going to get married in June and the fact that they're not going to acknowledge my wedding AT ALL is really hurtful.  I went to one of their weddings.
Maybe out of sight -- out of mind really is true?!
Ok, I'm done typing. I'd love your input. Thanks.
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I think that moves like yours test friendships and you find out who really cares about you and wants to be your friend. My husband says that people go in and out of our lives because we have something to learn from them or something to teach them. And then we all move on to whatever is next. Maybe the learning and teaching is done for a few of your friends. Or maybe they're wondering why you haven't called them. If you still have their numbers, you could give it a try. Either way, it's not silly to be sad. Sometimes it's hard to let go of something that is important to you.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Hey Sara,
I don't think you're silly to be sad. In all my years of moving around I've learned most friends come and go. A few stick it out across long distance, but they're rare. I'm sorry they're not there for you like you want them to be.
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You're probably right about them coming and going. To me, the fact that they haven't made any effort is pretty much a deal-breaker for me. That's why I've given up on them both,
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Melissa
#259670 - 04/22/06 08:13 PM
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Moving does test friendships tremendously!
I agree with your husband that we meet certain people for a reason. One of the girls is hugely responsible for getting me to dump my ex because she was super blunt about how rotten he was to me. Maybe that was her purpose.
I don't have her email anymore. I wouldn't call either of them. I just hate that it's up to me to make the next move. I wouldn't want either of them responsding just to be polite. I think that there's a chance that it's easier now that I've moved to not be part of my life because they still see the ex.
I also can't help but think that it's probably a good thing that I don't keep in touch because the ex found out way too much about Tommy and me through one girl I "thought" was a friend. I wouldn't want that with them. Plus one thing that bugs me is that the one girl was always mentionning people that were touchy subjects for me. Maybe this is for the best...
The ones that are truly great friends are coming 500 miles to my wedding, email me and generally make the mutual effort to keep in touch.
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Well I just have to say that you should definitely not feel silly for being hurt. I have been in situations like this before too, and it is just in my nature to want to be a really good friend to people and I have realized a few too many times that it just gets to the point where it is no longer worth it to me to try. It doesn't stop it from hurting though to realize that you cared for someone way more than they ever cared about you. But just remind yourself that you don't need those people and it is really their loss because you were a great friend.
I hope that helped a little.  And you may have lost a couple people that now you realize probably weren't ever really your friends, but you gained Tommy and he will be your best friend for life. So I'd say you are the winner there.
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Oh your post was so sweet. I LOVE the part about finding Tommy and how he'll be my best friend for life. It's so true. He's worth way more than the two of them put together! 
You cheered me up by reminding me of that very important fact!!
And yes, it is their loss. If they call me up wanting to visit NYC, I'll be laughing at them right after I direct them to a REALLY EXPENSIVE HOTEL. he he
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I'm glad it cheered you up!
And I love that expensive hotel idea. Make them fly into an airport that's farther away too just to make it difficult.
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It did!!
Oh yes, I could have a real good time making is VERY expensive and difficult for them. he he
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Have you sent out the invitations to these two women?
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