Religious question
#254153 - 03/24/06 07:24 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Ok, everyone knows my "non religious" stance from recent past posts. My husbands brother and parents are very religious, not exactly sure what the proper denomination is. Ok, the bil is going to Russia to be a missionary and is getting some sort of confirmation or something for the missionary stuff. Out of respect for the family, I agreed to go. I have never been baptised and (lets not start a big debate) but don't agree with the missionary work. Apparently it'll be a full Sunday service, will they do the offering thing where you are supposed to drink the juice and eat the bread thing or is that only Catholic? Which would be more rude of me, to participate in the ritual or sit quietly in my seat? What about when they stand to sing all the songs, I don't feel comfortable in doing that so should I sit or just stand out of respect even though I won't be singing?
I don't want to start any religious wars here, I'm just trying to find out how I can be polite and respectful in a place I am not comfortable with. Will REALLY wants to go and if I don't go with him I'm afraid it'll cause more problems then just going and being social.
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Hi Michele,
I'm Catholic and here's my opinion- At Mass if you are not baptised then you are not allowed to take the bread and wine (wine is not usually offered at most masses except to the priests and eucharistic ministers) and should just sit in your seat when others approach the altar for the bread/wine. (lots of people do this for various reasons at every mass that I have ever been to)
If you are going out of respect for the family then I recommend "fitting in" as much as you can, rather than making a stand for your own beliefs (by not sitting/standing/kneeling when everyone else does)
So I would stand when they stand, sit when they sit, and if there is bread etc do not go into the line to get it just stay in your seat.
I also think that you should talk to your husband about not wishing to make a mistake so that he can tell you what to expect and even get the exact religion to someone here can give you proper advice for the exact type of service.
Hope this helps
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S.
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Thanks Cailin!! I actually just called WIll and asked him what kind of Church it was and his answer "I don't know, the Missionary kind!"   Ah, ok. Will knows my stand on it all and although he is more religious than I am and he does believe in God, he doesn't agree with organized religion so its never been an issue between us. Like you said, I figured I'd try to "blend in" instead of making my own beliefs known. I don't like being put in this situation but not much I can do about it! 
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I agree with Sinead...
I was baptized, but never had my first communion nor did I have my confirmation. My mother was raised roman catholic and had a bad experience, and my father was raised episcopalian and never went to church. So when they were married, my mom converted, and we were raised like my father.
Anyways, we never take the bread/wine, because unless you had your first communion, you really aren't supposed to have any. I generally just stay seated with the rest of my family when others go up for it.
Additionally, we do stand and kneel when others do out of respect for their beleifs and religions, and I would probably recommend that you do the same. HOwever, you don't need to sing or say the prayers.
Let us know what you decide. What kind of missionary work is he going to do?
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Go out of respect for the family. Don't take communion & just stand when they stand. Your hearts in the right place.
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Hi, Michele. What an interesting question. I am religious, but when I put myself in your shoes; I can see the predicament you're in. I think it's very sweet of you to entertain going, even though you don't want to. (Your husband owes you big time for this!)
At our church, Baptist denomination, we only do communion about once every 2 months or so. Actually, we're told NOT to participate if we don't want to because that would not be the right spirit for taking communion. There've been times I haven't taken it, when I knew it wasn't right for me.
There are several times throughout our service, when we stand; for praying or singing. There are often many people who never stand and some who never sing. No one ever thinks anything bad about it. I always figure that people have their reasons, and it's no big deal at all. My husband has very bad back problems, and he never stands. Sometimes, I sit too, just so he won't feel alone.
I've only been to a Catholic service once, and that was when my sister got married. All I really remember is the constant kneeling, up and down. I did join in it though, out of respect for my sister, even though I didn't understand it.
So, I would say that you should stand when they stand but don't take communion. Unlike standing, Communion would be saying that you believe what they believe, and that wouldn't be right.
I feel for you having to go somewhere you're not comfortable. I've done that many times myself, in different situations, and I hate it when I have to do it.
Sometimes, it's just easier and for the best to keep the peace, though, isn't it?
Hope this helps a little though,
Terri
p.s. I really admire you for going. I hope your in-laws can appreciate you for it.
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when i use to go to church, i'd notice people not take the juice and bread, or not kneel (i use to be seventh day adventist).
if they know that you aren't really religous, then i think you going, is showing alot of support. if you don't feel comfortalbe doing something at the church, ususally the church respects that, and doesn't hold any kind of grudge. if you say you don't feel comfortalbe, because you don't fully understand it, or whatever, they will respect that too.
if you flat out yelled "GOD IS DEAD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?" then i would say that's not very good....but honestly going and showing support and everything, i think shows alot. so do what YOU feel comfortable, the church wont hold it against you....
i'm not religous either, i've never mentioned it because i know it would start a debate..and i know alot about church, the bible, etc...but i am not religous, not out of rebellion, it's my own choice...
so that's from my stand point of a religous to not religous stand point...because i can see both sides,...
make sense??
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I Know its not a catholic thing, which is good because with my RA and fibro, there would be no kneeling and up, down business for me! I figure I'll put on some black slacks and a sweater and just try to be social. The bil also has a new girlfriend, the first one he has had since Will and I have been together, which is 8 years, so thats kind of a big thing and will hopefully take the focus off me! We will be going to brunch afterwards as well.
Yeah, I figure WIll owes me too for going! He certainly can't complain the next time I want to go and visit my mom! LOL! 
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Thanks Spicey! He is going to Russia to preach God to the Heathens! He will be there for 3 years. Boy, I'm sure that is going to rub some people the wrong way but when he tells me stories about little boys getting beat up by there fathers for talking about the Christ stuff they teach them at this religious camp, I just can't help wonder how they are doing good for these people. I don't want to start a debate here. Its hard for me to do these kinds of functions because I'm considered one of the Heathens to his bil but, to each there own, right?!
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Makes sense to me Lyndsey! I don't have any problems with other people being religious, its just not for me. I'll go and show my support for the respect of the family.
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