Question about jealousy.......
#235435 - 01/03/06 11:29 AM
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Hello Everyone.. I have a random semi-deep question for fun!
I have a question about jealousy in relationships. It does not apply entirely to me to be honest, but I see it happening a lot in my friend's relationships, and its something me and my friends discuss frequently.
Do you think people who are jealous in one relationship are destined to be jealous in each of their subsequent relationships?
What about people that aren't jealous at all in relationships aside from those with their significant others? For example, everyone gets envious from time to time of their friends, but more often than not you still feel very happy for that person genuinely. I guess I just don't understand how jealously can relate to one person (usually boyfriend/girlfriend/husband etc, and sometimes sabotage a relationship.
I know in the past, i've been jealous in another relationship years ago, and it dominated our entire relationship. Routinely, I'd ask, where are you, where were you, why didn't you call me earier, why didn't you come over, you don't like me cause you didn't come over? I have a lot of friends who are stick stuck in cycles like this right now.
How do you even help this, or stop it, or is it something thats part of your personality?
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I hope someone has good answers/advice, as I sometimes have this problem in relationships. Sometimes it is so hard to trust!
Kristi
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Interesting question! I'm not sure I really have any answers. I was a very trusting and naive girl. I guess thats still true of me even now. I've had boyfriends cheat on me and it made me resentful and bitter for a time. However, I don't really think I'm the jealous type. Occasionally I'll catch Will checking out some cute girl walking by or whatever and I'll usually call him on it by saying something like "yeah, she is pretty hot, isn't she?" But, I feel secure in my relationship and know that he loves me and is married to me. I think this is something that may come with age, however I have known a few women in there mid 30's that still have jealousy issues! 
Like you said, I think we all get jealous on occasion. I'll admit, I'm jealous when I see women with babies or people who have so much money they don't even know what to do with it. I think its human nature to have some of these feelings but it can be unhealthy if left unchecked! I'm not sure if or how you can help friends who are stuck in the jealous cycle, hopefully someone else will have some advice!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm the LEAST jealous person I know - even when I had every right to be. I had a situation this summer/September where someone was taking advantage of a relationship - and I was hurt. But you know what? I'm still not the jealous type.
I am truly happy for every good thing or happiness that comes to other people - and I would be lying if hints of jealousy don't creep in, but they don't interfere with my true feelings.
I think that some jealousy is totally natural. When it gets out of hand - that's when it causes problems.
On a side note - anyone that I know I am totally not jealous of. I mean my best friend could walk up to my husband, and kiss him smack on the lips and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But then, I'm also one of the most trusting individuals around, too.
I always give my complete trust - unless/until someone gives me a reason not to. Once bitten, twice shy, babe. I used to be like that with my students - I would trust them until they gave me a reason not to. After that, forget it.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Just some thoughts. You asked! LOL!
But then I wonder - really - what's the difference between jealousy and trust?????? Any thoughts? Sometimes, I think the differences are clear, and sometimes, the two become intertwined.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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that is an interesting question..
I think that jealously stems from mistrust, however, at the same time not all people who are jealous don't trust who they are jealous of. Its a strange vicious cycle.
I know even from my own previous relationship, I trusted him a hundred percent, but I was jealous of others who also got to hang out with him, and all of his friends that were girls etc. hmm thats a toughie.. i'll have to think about it.
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I don't think a jealous person in relationship A will be jealous always. I think it depends on the couple...some people make you jealous and it's difficult to stop those feelings.
In high school I was in a highly jealous relationship - but we were both incredibly jealous. My next relationship I am so not like that. I really have to reason to live my life that way!
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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In the last paragraph, it sounds more like insecurity rather than jealousy.
Basically if you're with someone there has to be trust between both people. However, if the other person does things purposly to make you insecure, you have a right to feel that way because you're nobody's doormat. If something like this happens in a relationship, some people might definatly be mistrustful in subsequent relationships. The trick is you have to stop feeling that way and give the new relationship a fair chance.
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Lana_Marie.. how did you get that way? or change?
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I think that jealousy has a lot to do with security in a relationship and also some maturity. I get jealous once in a while if my hubby looks at another pretty girl but I never obsess about it because I trust him ( and he knows I would knock his block off if he did anything! LOL Just kidding!)  But seriously I think it's also about maturity and being comfortable and happy with yourself. You can still feel jealous over things because that is human nature but to obsess about it means you are lacking maturity and confidence in yourself.
That's just my two cents!
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I think Angela had a good point, I think if the other person in the relationship isn't doing things that should make the other person jealous, than its probably more a matter of self confidence! In general, I'd agree that the majority of jealousy people lack the self confidence. Improving ones self image would be a good start. Maybe through therapy, maybe through reassurances from friends and family, maybe something as simple as a new look or makeover.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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