stay away from this post if a bit prudish!!!
#198142 - 07/21/05 08:41 AM
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daliatree
Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York
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Hi everyone - its my 26th birthday today. My husband bought me ballet lessons (like a voucher for a dance school here in NY) and then a catholic sexy school outfit....when I opened the outfit I went really quiet. It was the last thing I was expecting and I felt really awkward and hurt that this could be considered a bday present. I don't know how I would have felt if it was just given to me on a normal day - but some beautiful normal underwear would have gone down a lot better. I want to try and understand why I am feeling hurt and like my husband really misunderstood me (the last person you want to misunderstand you). He flipped out with embarrassment and couldn't laugh it off or anything...now we aren't talking to eachother - I've asked for space and I am all alone on my birthday. I just returned from London where my family and alllll my bestest friends in the world are and I can't help feeling sorry for myself a little and thinking how amazing my birthday would be in London. Can any of you relate to this or help me understand why I was so strange (or not) about that gift? I am a spiritual person in general so although I have a healthy sex drive, something about that gift made me feel cheap.
:-(
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Sorry I forgot about it!  Your one of my favorite people in the whole world!
I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. That must be hard to have all your friends and family so far alone on your special day. You have all of us...but we're so far away too. Thanks goodness for the internet.
The ballet lessons get an A in my opinion...what a cool idea for a gift. (I'm assuming you like ballet, right?)
The school girl outfit is a bit odd for a birthday gift. But the fact that he was embarrassed shows that he knew he made a misjudgment in choices/timing of this "gift".
I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I would talk to him about this and "make-up" and celebrate your birthday together...he loves you and you don't want to be alone or sad on your birthday. I'm sure he just didn't think this through and just made a mistake. Don't let his bad choice in a gift get in the way of a fabulous birthday spent together, celebrating your day and your love for one another.
Again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DALIA! Lots of love and hugs to you and fresh daisies and sunshine and rainbows and everything good in the world. 
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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what a beautiful message. thank you.
I really wanted to make it up with him this morning - but he stormed away out of embarrassment so I went out for a walk to give him space and expected him to call - he didn't - just went to work and went to a meeting as if he can call me later and its ok with him for me to lose the entire morning of my birthday because of his pride. I know it was a mistake and I just wanted us to laugh about it - but he really can't. So now I am FUMING!!!
Oh well. I wish I had friends here to celebrate my birthday with, but I don't.
Thanks so much for your wishes...you are lovely XXXX
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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but I chuckled a bit because I'd react the same way. I am spiritual, although not as publicly practicing as I should be, and healthy in terms of sexuality (I think), BUT I'm very...private about that maybe? Or just not as...experimental? It's hard to describe. I would feel cheap too. My husband is constantly joking about "filming" certain events. And I don't think it's wrong or immoral or anything like that, but for me I would be SO uncomfortable, would NEVER watch it, see it as potentially damaging should someone find it and just don't want to do it. I think so far it's a joke, but I know if I said "Ok!" he'd be all for it. (Will never happen).
Since your husband knows you so well, I wonder why he thought it was appropriate? Or didn't at least get you something else more meaningful to YOU, and make that gift more of a joke.
I'm so sorry!! That's a bummer! I think maybe you should just sit down and explain why it made you uncomfortable, and that you didn't mean to make HIM uncomfortable with your reaction, but that it just took you by surprise since it's not something you'd normally be into. You know find a way to say---no I don't think you're a weirdo, it's just not my cup of tea, how about we class things up a bit instead?
I'm not sure...but I don't think you're odd for feeling this way---if you're odd, so am I! (thinking now, I'm sure some of my friends would be fine with it, and some would react just like me.)
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Thank you!!! You see, even though its not my cup of tea at all, - like the whole getting changed into the outfit and walking out into the room to him would make me CRINGE! I much prefer spicing up sex life with abstaining for a number of days (like during my period) and hence increasing our spiritual connection and THEN returning to our physical life. This whole fantasising thing is just not really me. I mean, of course I have fantasisies, but to get all dressed up, I would feel so awkward and embarrassed and silly.
So I wanted to laugh about it with him - he has a friend that is into this kind of thing so I wish he could have laughed about it and said - oh well, we'll give it to so-and-so - but he has this HUGE PRIDE thing (his whole family do) and he took it so seriously. Sigh. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks for your input.
This is not judgement on people that DO dress up, good for them, its just not me at all.
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETS!!!! 
Have you two discussed getting such an outift? Please don't be mad at him on your birthday! I'm not sure why that was your only gift though? That's a gift for HIM and not YOU!
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Agreed!
#198162 - 07/21/05 09:12 AM
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epa_ginger
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Chicago, IL
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Re: fantasizing...it's not me either! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I mean, sure daydreams here and there, but not REAL fantasies involving objects and clothing, etc. I feel awkward just THINKING about it! And being on display that way. I think I have inherited my Dad's "prudishness", if you will. My husband has said "Don't you have any fantasies?" and I say "No, I don't need them I have you!" Ha ha.
Well, I'm sorry your birthday is a bummer. Your guy will get over his hurt pride and things will be ok. At the very least...a learning experience, no?
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I would take it this way-- he's looking to try something new. Perhaps a store clerk or a friend convinced him into it? In addition to the ballet gift (v. nice and sweet but at the same time also intimate because it deals with your body) he obviously finds you VERY attractive and desireable and wants more of that to come out in you. Blame modern guy magazines-- men can be VERY hormonal! 
I woul dbe wierded out too a bit, but i guess i would also take it as a compliment (a very bizzare, only-a-guy-would-do-this- compliment...)
Happy birthday anyhow! I'm sure he'll get over his embarassment and you two will laugh about it later...
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--maikko
IBS-A, mostly C-- many foods intolerant
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thank you for your sweet reply...I suppose he does find me attractive...that, or he is thoroughly bored by our sex life one year into marriage!!
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Ah. He gave you a present he would want, instead of taking in consideration your feelings. I can understand why you would be hurt, though I do think it's good and healthy that he's sharing his fantasies with you (although maybe he should have tested the water before paying for the outfit). I'm sorry he wasn't more considerate.
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