Family Support
#367247 - 04/15/12 09:23 AM
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Jang65
Reged: 01/13/11
Posts: 23
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Last night at dinner with a family member as a guest, the question to me was "If you can have potatoes and you can have canola oil, why can't you have french fries, but you can sit there and eat a sweet potato - I don't get it?" I was so blown away by the analysis, I didn't even know what to say. By the way, this is a grown adult, not a child. How do you respond to things like this?
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The sweet potato wasn't deep fried like the potato so it has much less fat/oil content than french fries. Fat/oil is a major GI trigger. A baked or boil potato would be okay too. It is just the deep frying of the potato that is the problem.
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STABLE: ♂, IBS-D 50+ years - Science of IBS
The FODMAP Approach to Managing IBS Symptoms
Evidence-based Dietary Management of Functional GI Symptoms: The FODMAP Approach
FODMAP Chart & Cheatsheet
The Role of Food & Dietary Intervention in IBS
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That's pretty much what I said to her, but I get these types of unthoughtful comments and questions all the time. They ask: "Why can't you go out for pizza and feast on all the pepperoni and cheese with us? Just don't eat as much or - have salad instead". I can tell them until I'm blue in the face and they still won't even try to understand. I finally have said "Just trust me, I know what I can have and I will take care of myself - don't try to cook for me or tell me what to eat!"
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There is a science behind this? Tell them you have to eat low fat and that you have certain food intolerances/sensitivities. French fries are high in fat because it's basically potatoes fried in hot oil.
As for pizzas, again in the circles I move in, it's common knowledge that cheese is a dairy and I tell them I am lactose intolerant and can't have dairy. Vast majority of adults (worldwide) apart from fortunate good-gened white people can't have dairy so again something for you to educate your hosts on perhaps!
I do have a confident (and some might say forceful) personality, which helps, so noone has ever 'dared' roll their eyes at me but it's really just about sensibly and concisely explaining what you can and can't have, which will help. Everyone in my family is ignorant and knows nothing about science so they know nothing on this front. But I'll just explain it all to them.
if you can't have FODMAPs it's easy, just say that you can't have fructose or whatever. then say which foods have fructose. again it's simple science but I've found that it actually impresses people. one good thing about IBS is that we do kinda, inevitably almost, become more expert on food and nutrition as a result so show off that knowledge?
for fat, caffeine, alcohol and insoluble fibre, you can just say that you have sensitive digestion and you're in pain from too much of these. you don't have to spell out that you have C or D from anything, in my experience that's when people cringe, but if you say there are certain foods you can't have, have you ever seen anyone deride someone with an egg or nut allergy? It's more like they'll go out of their way to accommodate your needs once you've explained. or at least that's my experience, be it either with intelligent friends or dim relatives.
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now: stable through EFI+FODMAP dieting (no lactose/no fructose/some fructans and some polyols)
before: IBS-D(pseudo-diarrhoea), bloating, often unbearable pain esp from too much fat: Apr 2007- Dec 2010
FODMAPs: http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/072710p30.shtml
[I've tried VSL#3 -> I could tolerate v good amounts of IF (even with less SF), it worked great (but overall I find it too expensive)]
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Thank you so much for your suggestions. I really do think it is ignorance on the part of my family members, because I have been hospitalized and have suffered terribly with these symptoms and they are all aware of it. If THEY had something like this, I would be researching it to understand how I could help them rather than criticizing them. But that's just me. It gets frustrating when their lives have such a small focus - it's the "ME" generation at work.
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Gosh, you have been hospitalized and yet they have the temerity of questioning your problems. now that is just plain rude. pls don't get too upset by such horrid behaviour. really not worth it. (easier said than done though probably!) hope you've now found a way to control the symptoms!
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now: stable through EFI+FODMAP dieting (no lactose/no fructose/some fructans and some polyols)
before: IBS-D(pseudo-diarrhoea), bloating, often unbearable pain esp from too much fat: Apr 2007- Dec 2010
FODMAPs: http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/072710p30.shtml
[I've tried VSL#3 -> I could tolerate v good amounts of IF (even with less SF), it worked great (but overall I find it too expensive)]
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Ya know, I lose my patience with this kind of crap, family/friends or not. You don't have to explain, just simply say, "No, thank you", and let them think what they like and say what they will. If they start again just simply but a bit more firmly say, "NO THANK YOU!" It really is their problem, not yours. You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation about how or what you eat.
I have gotten this crap with some family and friends since I became a vegetarian. I stopped arguing and explaining. Now, I simply say no and then I give them my stare. Shuts the idiots right up!  How you choose to eat, whether it be IBS friendly or whatever is your business. People have to learn to tend their own garden, and not worry about other people's.
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I agree - a simple "no thank you" is the easiest way - just repeat it over and over with no angry emotion, politely, even with a smile if you can. Sometimes explanation of the IBS condition from other sources may be helpful - print out IBS info from this site and other reputable medical sites; also there is a publication called "Molly's brochure" that is helpful in explaining - and also the IBS Companion is a CD recording (or MP3)lasting about 20 minutes that explains the IBS condition to friend and family members. (I actually cried when I first listened to it, as it validated everything I was going through.) This recording comes free with the IBS Audio Program, but you can also get if alone as well - Let me know if you are interested.
Hang in there...
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My Journey and Success with the IBS Audio Program Hypnotherapy Program: www.helpforibs.com/messageboards/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=hypnotherapy&Number=224850
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It is so helpful to know you are not alone in this struggle to stay well with IBS. Not sure why that's comforting, but it is. Thank you so much for validating my irritation with the ignorance of some - especially the family members whom you can't just cut out of your life. I WILL stand my ground on what food I eat because I am the only one that knows how much it hurts when I don't.
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I can control the symptoms up to a point using all of Heather's products. The best for the pain is the acacia powder, the fennel tea, and the peppermint capsules. But I make a weekly menu for myself and shop for those foods. I don't buy anything that's not on my list. I bake all my own breads, including sourdough using my owm starter, soy milk, unbleached flour and applesauce. I had an early Christmas today when I found soy cheddar cheese and rice parmeson cheese at Whole Foods. Expensive but worth every penny.
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