Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Pavlov's Cat as told by Eddie Izzard- The British Tranvestite Stand-Up Comic

I edited out a bit of it that doesn't read so well. But all of the joke is in here. And I replace some potentially offensive language with ---. This is an excerpt from "Definite Article."

28. Pavlov's Cat

Finally tonight, I want to talk about a guy called Pavlov, who was Eastern European, I think Russian, and did the famous experiment, "Pavlov's Dog." You probably heard of, ring bells and dogs eating food, response times, Pavlovian kind of response, it's all about ice-cream and� And he wrote these experiments.

"Day One � Pavlov's Dog � Rang bell, dog ate food, very excited�"..."Very excited� terribly excited here in Russia.

Day Two � been well-accepted here in Russia� changed my name from Evans to Pavlov. I'm now called Gareth Pavlov� and fitting in well. Day two � rang bell, dog ate two loads of food, very excited.

Day Three � rang three bells, dog ate a whole bunch of food and my leg, too. Very excited, win Nobel Dog Prize for cats."

So he did this, he won the prize� Nobel, whatever he won, and Pavlov's dog, we all know that, but you never heard his cat results, did you? You probably thought he was finished!

"Pavlov's Cat Results �

Day One � rang bell� cat f---ed off. Damn�

Day Two � rang bell, cat went and answered door.

Day Three � rang bell, cat said he'd eaten earlier.

Day Four � went to ring bell on day four, but cat had stolen batteries.

Final day � Day Five � went to ring bell with new batteries, but cat put his paw on bell, so it only made a 'thunk!' noise. Then cat rang his own bell! I ate food�"

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