I'm really struggling tonight
#207595 - 08/22/05 06:57 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
|
|
|
I usually don't send out a prayer request for myself, but I am in great need of one tonight. I will probably regret posting this, tonight, I have no ability to keep it inside.
I don't know how to even explain it all, as I am just overwhelmed and don't even know if I can get all my thoughts together.
I am feeling very depressed and hopeless....just wanting all this to end. I am overwhelmed with trying to maintain a FT job, having less than poverty level income, a very stressful and noisy apartment where there is no piece of mind or a place to just be calm...a place that drives me crazy with anxiety, trying to find the time to exercise or do the activities I need to do in order to help the constipation....
I am in pain every second of everyday and after 10 months of trying to get relief from symptoms....I just can't and I don't know what I am doing wrong. I can't figure out my trigger foods or what I should take or use to become stable. I can't fathom living in this pain and with these severe symptoms for the rest of my life. I would honestly rather just die. How can I function in this life when I am in in such debilitating physical pain every day?  My tummy hurts so bad...I have such bloating, gas, cramps, constipation. How do I cope with life when all my energy is zapped by my chronic pain?
I have no family that is willing to support me emotionally or financially. I don't know how I can keep going on with all this emotional and physical pain.
My doctor offers me no suggestions on any of my "abnormal" tests that have been done (delayed gastric emptying, a slow functioning Gallbladder, inconsistand gluten antibodies). He tells me to do whatever I want and to take Zelnorm or not take it. To eat gluten or not eat it. I need help and guidance and answers.
I need some relief from all this pain I have. Why won't this diet work for me?????? I try so hard. I'm so tired of waking up in the morning to this non stop physical pain, the depression, and anxiety so high I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. The anxiety never goes away because the pain never goes away!
I just want some relief and I have lost hope that I will ever be at peace with my anxiety or that I will ever have a day without this severe, severe pain.
I want this to all go away. I want to go away. Why is God punishing me???? Why won't He take away some of my pain....emotional or physical. Together, the physical and emotional pain are killing me...I cannot live with this chronic pain. My belly hurts so much...I always hurt. Nothing makes the pain better. I so tired.
My apartment is in disaray, I can't perform "normal" activities without great anxiety (shopping, cooking, cleaning, making hair appointments...all the responsibilities that an adult has) because I am in so much physical pain...or so overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. The thought of all that is going on makes me want to crawl in a hole...no, I'm already in the deep whole, being buried down.
Please, if you pray, pray for me...for the strength to bare this pain, for the pain to go away, or for God to take me away.
Maybe I'll just go to bed for the night and end this day...problem is, tomorrow will be just as bad, and the day after, and the day after...until I am old, alone in a nursing home, and still in pain. How did my life turn into this mess? Never would I have imagined that this would be my life.
--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Im so sorry your feeling this way. You are not alone. We are all here. Were ALWAYS here. IM almost always online..and i love to chat. I pray for us all to be better and pain free. I will pray for you, and hope that you feel better.
Take care *Sending you internet flowers*
Melissa
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Beth! You might feel alone, but you're not alone. We're all here, I'm here. I'm thinking of you. I wish I knew how to help you, how to relieve your pain and soothe your spirit. I wish I could visit you and bring you something safe to eat and listen to you vent.
Have you thought about going to the ER? If there isn't anyone to take you or you can't drive yourself, can you call a taxi? You sound desperate and scared to me and I don't like thinking of you all alone with those thoughts.
Please, keep us updated with posts tonight!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Beth-
I know you probably don't know me but I am mostly a lurker because we have so many kids that I don't often have the time or energy to post. Having said that I read many of your posts and I understand that it is a struggle and I am also guilty of thinking "How did my life get this way?" and "will it always be like this?" I too struggle daily with pain although it is not constant as yours is. I too feel very alone, but giving up is simply not an option. I have two children and two step children. Some how I just have to keep going. You too Beth. I'm not sure if you want advice on what to do or not, but these are my thoughts: 1) Move out of the apartment even though it may seem scary to do so. 2) Keep trying for a med that will help. You are in pain anyway, right? So what have you got to lose? Have you tried Levsin or Donnatal? Have you tried Benefiber? This seems to be the only SFS I can take and it does help me somewhat although it's not perfect. Before you give up, please try different things and then more things. What about Buspar? I am thinking about trying that once I wean my baby.
Please hang in there Beth. You are sweet person and I do care. I am also an underweight librarian with an eating disorder in my past. You are not alone. Let me know if you'd like to e-mail.
Laura
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts. Sometimes it really does seem unbearable. Lots of hugs coming your way!
This is why we're all here-to tell you that you aren't alone! Hang in there and come back and let it all out if you need to. big big hugs!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
BETH
#207617 - 08/22/05 07:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
jen1013
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 1322
Loc: the wabe
|
|
|
I am so sorry. I have no specific advice to offer because we are at opposite ends of the spectrum, but I do have lots of sympathy and prayers and hugs for you. IBS is totally soul-sucking. Please don't let it get to you like this. Your life IS worth living. Things are rough now, but they WILL get better. There are a lot of people here who really care about you. You AREN'T alone.
One thing is imperative -- YOU NEED A NEW DOCTOR. If necessary, start out with a new GP instead. Go find a female doctor -- they tend to be more sympathetic. This GI is a moron and a jerk, and you don't need to be helping him pay for his Jaguar payments.
IBS-C is a tough beast to tackle. Don't give up hope after 10 months. Don't give up hope, period. If you are feeling desperate, go to the ER.
We are all thinking of you. Please hang in there.
--------------------
jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Beth
#207618 - 08/22/05 07:56 PM
|
|
|
|
|
BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
|
|
|
I am sorry you are struggling like you are. I don't have any answers for you, but I just wanted to say that so many of us have felt the same things you are feeling. It is so hard to live like this, especially when others seem to have no problem at all. It doesn't seem fair at all, does it?
I want you to know that you are not alone. I too am struggling with why my life is like this.
Beth, we are here for you---to listen and to pray for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please hang in there! We love having you on the boards. You have given so many others advice and counsel. Now it is time for us to give you a big hug.
(((((Big hug))))))))
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Hey Beth,
I don't pray, but I will keep you in my thoughts. I don't know why life gets so frustrating and is so unfair for people who don't deserve it. I do know that you are a very good person and stronger than you think.
We're all here when you need to talk.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Beth:
I feel so badly for you. You live in more pain than joy, tormented by more than IBS! How I wish I could just hang out with you tonight, keep you company, distract you from LIFE as you experience it.
Just out of curiousity, have you tried the diet for Delayed Gastric Emptying? It is different from Heather's in a lot of ways. The residue is further reduced--IF is highly discouraged. It's high liquid/electrolyte. If you have delayed Gastric Emptying, all the SF in the world isn't going to do you any good--it will just make you feel uncomfortable and sick! IF will just give you cramps!
You should do some extensive research in that area and think about trying the recommendations!
I'm sorry. I know nothing. What can I say other than...when I feel beyond life itself I usually sleep it off. Sometimes I need a "Big Chill" weekend. It hurts to hear that you are in so much pain as you are such a sensitive and giving person. Your loneliness/aloneness is so sad.
I'm a former anorectic, too, incidentally--or at least in remission for years.
I hope you sleep well. Your first and foremost in my thoughts tonight.
Truly,
Kate.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
