So up and down with this IVF cycle
#15089 - 07/27/03 04:00 PM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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I just don't know how to get through this next week or so without going nuts.
One minute I'm really positive and sure that this transfer has worked and the next minute I'm down in the dumps and sure it hasn't. A couple of days ago I spent two hours crying because I thought I had missed taking some of the HRT tablets and that because of that I had ruined my chances. then I realised that I was looking at the arrows on the sheet of pills backwards. (Dumb I know!)
I really have no feeling either way but am absoultely terrified of dealing with a negative outcome. Last time I only got 10 days post transfer before we found out it hadn't worked. 10 days will fall this saturday and so in one way I'm dreading the weekend and am so scared of what it might bring. On the other hand I want the time to pass so that the agonising waiting and wondering will be over.
I really, really want it to work. Last time I was a little less worried. I wanted it to work but knew that if it didn't I had two frozen embryos up my sleeve. Now I don't so I'm desperate for success otherwise I know I'll have to go through the whole egg pick up operation etc again.
People keep telling me I'm strong and I can do it but that makes me feel as if it's not OK for be to get down over it all.
Also, something that's really weighing on my mind... My Sister and I had a psychic reading at a market a few weeks back just for a laugh. Now I really regret that we did. She told me that she didn't see a pregnancy until the end of 2004. This really depressed me and I want to believe it's rubbish but then when I went to have the transfer last Wednesday I got my wallet out to put our parking pass away and the psychic's business card flew out on my lap as if to say "What are you doing here? I told you what will happen" So then I was really bummed.
Please someone tell me they have had psychic readings that were wrong.
Sorry to bring you all down but I must say it's great to have somewhere to get all this off my chest.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Psychic readings are almost always wrong and are a great fear inducer. Best to avoid completely. Try to avoid superstitions of all sorts for your own peace of mind.
We're all praying for you, no matter what happens. I was awake in the middle of the night last night--probably day in Australia--and spent quite a bit of time praying that those babies would both take hold.
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My thoughts are with you, sweetheart. The things we do for kids, right? Hug your son and try to relax. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I don't know if that attitude will help - but it at least lifts it off your shoulders. Hang in there. Love, Han.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I agree with busymom about the psychic. I am sorry this has made you fearful.
To make you feel better though, I think every women who wants to be pregant and thinks she might be has those same fears. I remember with both of my girls being positive I was and then wondering if I was just making myself feel that way. I remember being fearful to take a test because then I would be so diappointed if I wasn't. When you finally find out you are, you will think why was I worried. I anxiuosly looking forward to knowing you are.
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Kerrie,
You poor thing! I'm so sorry you have to be tortured like this. Don't listen to that silly psychic. She probably just told you that because if it turns out to be wrong, you'd be pleasantly surprised. If she's right, then she wouldn't look as bad for saying you would. You know, then you wouldn't be "bad advertising". I hope that makes sense. 
Either way, just don't listen. We're all cheering those two embryos on, so you just listen to us! And come vent...that's what we're here for sweetie! 
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Hi Kerrie -
I have never been to a psychic but I can tell you that a friend of mine relies on one who has been wrong many times (and the times that my friend feels she's been right are so nebulous that its hard to tell if she really needed to be "psychic" to come up with what she did.) I wouldn't worry about that at all. Try to be positive in order to minimize stress that could affect your body. I pray with all my heart that you will find yourself good and pregnant this week, but if you don't, try to ask yourself if perhaps there is a reason for it. Maybe God's plan for you is to have one child and that some time in the future it will all make so much sense WHY that was the plan. I don't know if you believe in God or that he has a plan for you, but I do in a "grand scheme of things" kind of way. I do hope and pray that the plan includes another baby for you but just want you to find peace no matter what. Take good care of yourself and let your sweet little one be a good distraction this week until you get your answer! Can't wait to learn what it is!
Andie
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Although I didn't go through what you have, it took me years to get pregnant. And I remember how emotional I was during that time. Bless your heart! It's no fun, is it? After all the time, money and effort you put into it, everyone tells you just to relax and not worry about it, like you really could do that. Want to hear a funny story? One time, after a month of taking my temperature and the fertility drugs, my husband tells me that his boss is sending him out of town on a business trip. I freak out. "No, you can't do that!" I screamed at him. "That's when I should be ovulating." Poor thing! What was he supposed to tell his boss? That he couldn't go because this could be the only time his wife ovulates? We laugh about it now, but it definitely wasn't funny at the time. So I know what you are going through. I will pray for you to make it through this week. Take it one day at a time!
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Kerrie,
I wouldn' t put much store by that psychic! Relax as much as you can (easy to say).
Of course you are up and down with all the fertility drugs, don't beat yourself up! Remember, you are doing great with all you have to cope with!
Love and hugs and prayers.
Trish
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Kerrie-
First of all, if psychics were really all that smart and can "see into the future", why do we never hear of a psychic winning the lottery??? Don't ya think if their "powers" were real, they's be cashing in on the big payday? They prey on people's emotions to put a dollar in thier pocket. What she said or thinks is maybe an opinion at best.
Try putting your energy into postive thoughts as much as you can; but stop beating yourself up for down moments. I am not going through any of this and find myself crying at silly TV shows and things (hormones bring rollercoaster rides for all of us at different times). Let the tears flow, they are cleansing and healthy.
It is only natural for you to be apprehensive about all of this is you have been let down before. Please know that all of our thoughts are with you and your family for peace and comfort during this time.
Josie
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Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. -- Chinese proverb
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Re: Josie..
#15135 - 07/28/03 01:00 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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.. good point about the lottery, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Thanks for your support,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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