Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Well, guess I'll tell some of my story.

I come from a family of 4 kids, my brother was the oldest and then I'm in the middle of 2 sisters. I had a very hard, disturbing, tortuous childhood. My father was a very mean guy, and acted like he hated us. We had plenty of beatings with a belt and we had to strip naked for them. (Oh, that was so awful, I was so modest!) He'd tell us that if we cried, he'd beat us for crying, and he mean't it. We tried to learn to not show emotions.

My father worked 3rd shift and sometimes he'd come home and wake us all up and line us up like we were in the army. We stood at attention. I was about 6 when this started. He'd start with my brother and say that if someone didn't confess to whatever it was (he'd make stuff up), then he was going to start with the youngest and beat them until he'd gotten to all of us. Our little sister is mentally slow and my brother couldn't bear the thought of her being beat, so he'd step forward and take the blame for the imaginary crime and get beat for it.

My parents expected us to be perfect and it took me a long time, after I'd moved out, to finally find out who I really was.

My grandparents lived in Colorado and they had us spend every summer with them. You can imagine how we looked forward to it; just to get away from the hell at home.
Needless to say, I was very close to my wonderful grandma and grandpa. Sometimes, they would have all 17 of their grandkids living with them at the same time. But, they were true jewels and I have tried to emulate them in my own life.

I was also my father's favorite when it came to being his waitress and what not. I'd have to wait on him hand and foot and rub his feet, his back, lace his boots for him, and fetch whatever he wanted. It was very weird!

My mom was a scaredy cat and just put up with all of it, without saying a word. When I grew up, I resented her for not saving us. I still don't understand how a Mom can stand by and let her children be mistreated; but I've learned to forget about trying to understand it because I don't need to; I'm not the one who did it! I just have to be accountable for my life!

When my dad was at work, I did enjoy myself at home. My mom was the type who let us do whatever we wanted and she didn't pay any attention to us. As long as we left her alone, we could do whatever! I was a good kid though, and stayed out of trouble!

I also was responsible for my little sister. I was the one who had to tutor her. She was in regular classes as they didn't have special ed classes back then. It was a tremendous struggle for her. My Mom put the job of getting her through school on my shoulders, but I never resented that for a minute. I knew I was up to the job. I remember being 8 years old and going to see her 2nd grade teacher after school. I'd ask for work to take home for my sister so I could help her. I thought I was a big shot. I totally mothered her and I still do today. She calls me mom, even though we're only a year apart in age.
By the way, she graduated High School and she is married and has held a full time job for about 25 years now. She can read, write, pay bills, balance a checkbook, and run her own home. She's also computer literate! She's amazing, especially considering that she's mentally handicapped. (She reminds me of the movie "The Other Sister"--I think that's what it's called). My sister is a lot like that girl! I love her to pieces!

My husband is the only person I've shared any of this information with, but I figured why not share with you guys? Maybe it will help someone.

Well, my brother lives one block from me and my little sis lives about 6 blocks away. We three are very close.
Our parents live several blocks away. I forgave them a long time ago, and when I did, I freed myself from their hold on me. My dad is still a brutish man. He still doesn't like us and we don't like him. Our mom is still with him, even though we tried to get her to leave him. I see my mom once a week. We go to church and have lunch together. I still don't understand her, and she doesn't understand me, but we have a good adult relationship!
I started the process of forgiving my parents when I was in my early 20's. I had therapeutic counseling 3 different times to get help and it was a great thing to do! Ultimately, I had to put it all in perspective and it just took some time.

I used to worry that people would hate me if they knew how I was raised; because I thought they'd think I was a weirdo because of it. I was afraid that they'd think I wasn't good enough to be around. I'm glad those days are over! By the way, everyone who was raised like that doesn't grow up and treat their own children the same way.

Well, this is some of my story. There's lots more, but that's enough for now!

Today, I'm happy! It took awhile, but I got there. I love my husband, children and grandchildren and they love me! Life is good!
Terri

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