I didn't want to bring my post up to the front again but I wanted to say thank you to everyone. I looked at the list Dr. Spice provided (thanks!!) and I don't seem to have the mania phase. I definitely do not have elevated self esteem or decreased need for sleep. I think its just a major depression that tends to go up and down. I plan on buying a journal this weekend and start writing down all these thoughts, good and bad. I will take it with me to my shrink and just hand it to her to read and let her decide. It seems that the one time a month I go see her now, I'm having a good day. Just like when you take your car in because its making a funny noise and then it doesn't make the funny noise!
I am meeting with a local friend tonight to treat her to a pedicure for her birthday. This is the one who's fiance died a week before my twins. If a good opportunity presents itself, I'll talk to her about it. I'm afraid to talk to Will about it because I feel like such a lousy wife and a burden for him right now as it is. I'm afraid also that if he knows how much I'm hurting that he definitely will not want to try for a baby again in the future.
I am feeling a little better mentally today, definitely not HAPPY but I feel things are some what doable! I stopped the anti-inflammatory and one of the RA drugs because I was feeling so sick. I'm not feeling nearly as sick but now I hurt so bad from the RA I can hardly stand it! I'm typing with two fingers because the rest of them won't move and are to swollen to move. I think if the physical pain would get better that I could deal with my mental pain easier. My rheumy is out of town but I see him in two weeks so I'll be sure to stress to him what kind of impact this is having on my mental stability or lack there-of!
I'm so glad I have all of you to "talk" things out with!! Thank you all for being my friend!
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thank you everyone!
I think its just a major depression that tends to go up and down. I plan on buying a journal this weekend and start writing down all these thoughts, good and bad. I will take it with me to my shrink and just hand it to her to read and let her decide. It seems that the one time a month I go see her now, I'm having a good day. Just like when you take your car in because its making a funny noise and then it doesn't make the funny noise! 
