Wow! You expressed yourself so clearly in this post. I hope it felt good to get all that stuff out. As others have said, you are always welcome here, no matter what your physical or mental state!
You have been given some good advice here already, like what Dalia said about yoga and Michele's suggestion about calling doctor's offices. The other thing you could do is just ask the receptionist about the doctor's personality. Different therapists (and different doctors) have different approaches, and the receptionist can probably give you a good idea.
Big hugs! Never give up! Remember that it is always darkest before the dawn!
-------------------- Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.