oh yeah..making a restroom stop on purpose is a great way to overcome things. Back in the day (I'm old), I was learning to be a speech pathologist, and as part of my training, I had to stutter on purpose in two public places like a store, etc. in order to feel the fear of my patients. Well, I have been trained in public speaking, to large groups, etc, and so I thought, no sweat. Ya know what? I circled the sales lady about an hour before I got up the guts to "stutter" on purpose, and I knew I could control the situation, but I was fearful of the response I got. Well, the lady of course, was nice, and I learned the lesson of what my patients went through on a daily basis.
It was the same way with the IBS, as I said, so I think if you did trial runs (no pun intended), the more you did it, the more desensitized you will be. That lady at your old job years ago, she was as you say a "b", but the fact you recall that now, I think, is pretty neat. You are starting to take on your fears by even recalling this. I really do think this is a break-thru for you! If I overheard this woman today I would sure give her a piece of my mind!!LOL Also, do you know you can get these cards that say this person has a medical condition and must use the restroom now! The fact they make these little cards shows just how agonizing it is that the person may need a card because of the embarrassment of it.
Your anger at your bowel is a good sign too! Your subcon mind is taking a stand; you don't have to live this way as Mike says, and you deserve time for yourself, and this means to honor who you are, accept it, and then you can move forward. That is what it is all about. One time, a long time ago, I felt my tummy doing its thing, and I wanted to stay doing what I was doing, and I just shouted at it, "Stop it!" (Anyone witnessing this would call for the net!) I told this to my gastro, he said, "Really?" And you know what, my tummy stopped it! It was amazing!
And about this:
. So I told myself if I'm going to have an accident, I'm going to have an accident. What's the worst that could happen? Am I going to literally die? I don't think so. And it worked! I got over it, and have never had the problem since....
That is a form of therapy as well, that has you imagine the very worst that could happen, like this one lady mentioned how she envisioned an exaggerated "worst case scenario" and as soon as she did this, she calmed down totally.
The mind is a powerful thing. I am reading an old book called the Transparent Self, and it indicates that most medical conditions can be healed by rest and change of thought, but we are conditioned to either take drugs or be cut open in order to be "really" treated. But there is evidence in many studies, especially during WWII, where the pain drugs ran out and they used placebos, and the soldiers felt better, so it just goes to show ya.
And yes, venting helps a lot, because you acknowledge what is happening to you, then you find you are not alone, that others have dealt with it, and at first you think, well, others have, but not me, and then gradually it IS you! Believe me, I know, and I am still improving, and I know you will too! You have such a good handle on it now, and the only way for you to go is forward towards improvement!!!
(((HUGS))) I know you are gonna make it! (Just like the TV show song!! LOL
My Journey and Success with the IBS Audio Program Hypnotherapy Program: www.helpforibs.com/messageboards/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=hypnotherapy&Number=224850