Well, I started the second round of hypno CD's the other night. I don't really know what I'm expecting from this post, but just kinda need to vent I guess you could say.
Good things from Round 1:
-Stopped taking Levsinex daily.
-Can drive the 5-10 minute drive to work in the am without the I-GOTTA-GO-NOW!! feeling.
-Anxiety has diminished about having an attack while going out to eat, going to store/movies/etc, social situations - as long as I'm with my fiance who drove, or I drove myself. I tend to do better with spontaneous events rather than planned, but not always. It all depends on the situation, but haven't pinpointed anything yet.
Things I want Round 2 to help me with:
-I can't bring myself to drive somewhere with someone that doesn't know about my IBS. For example, I was supposed to go check out a new catering place for work with a group of people, and I managed to get out of it, because I couldn't take the thought of being "trapped" with these people. I wouldn't have been driving myself, BTW.
-Things like - I took a day off of work, along with my mom & one of my BM's (bridesmaid - the other BM's ) and worried that I wasn't going to feel well. I think I felt pressure of letting them down, because they took off of work for me, and if I'd had an attack, it would have just been a wasted day off for them.
-Going to get my hair done really freaks me out. I think this may have something to do with one of the first attacks I ever had was while I was at the dentist. But, I'm fine with going to the dentist now. What's the deal with that? I only got my hair cut 3 times last year. I just went again 2 weeks ago. It was better than the last time I'd gone. I scheduled myself for highlights though which she said takes about 2 - 2 1/2 hours. I can only imagine how I'll be that morning. But, I'll do it if it's the last thing I do. I'll have an imodium breakfast if I have too!!
-If I even feel the urge to have a BM and I'm not home, I freak out. I think I have a phobia. What exactly of, I don't know.
-If I'm in a meeting, I'm afraid I'll have to excuse myself to use the ladies room. I think this connects in with the phobia thing again.
Some things I'm not sure how I feel about yet. Sometimes I'm okay with it, sometimes OMGish:
-I have to travel for probably about a week some time soon for training for work.
Honestly, if I could just get over this "phobia" thing, I think my life would be a WHOLE lot easier. I think it's pretty much a "phobia" of having a BM at a potty other than my own. Or even when anyone else is around. When my fiance and I first started dating, I couldn't have a BM when he was around. Even after we moved in together. He would have to leave the house so I could go. My body physically wouldn't allow me. It was too weird. He was great about the whole thing though. But, I'm okay with him now being in the house - thank God! lol But still have problems other places. Does anyone think the hypno would help that? Does any of this even make sense? I guess basically what I want to know is, how do I just go and do my business when I gotta go, and get over it?
Well, that's all I can think of now. Beleive it or not, there's probably more I'm missing. I've kinda got all these thoughts just going through my head. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rambling.