Irritable Bowel Syndrome Message Boards | Re: Saying Goodbye, perhaps I'll be back...

I posted this originally on another IBS Board, but thought it was so wacky that some folks here might relate.
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Geez, I wish when I told someone I had IBS, they'd say "I have it too". I have yet to meet any of those 1 out of 5 people! Most people stare at me blankly, and I realize I have to tell them what IBS stands for, then they don't want to talk about it much because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

So I know no one in "real life" that has IBS but me, and the people on the internet. It sure would be nice to have a friend who has this, someone I could share a rice cake with over hot peppermint tea.

My pet theory is that everyone with IBS includes alien hybrid blood that makes us more intelligent (in some way) from other people. However, it has the unpleasant side effect of giving us IBS. So if the alien invasion starts, and the government wants to identify all the human-alien hybrids on earth, say "NO!" if asked if you have IBS, or it might be "up against the wall" time.

The preceding was intentionally silly, in case that wasn't obvious. Other times I want to just get really tough - get leather jackets and motorcycles and put pins through our noses and become the tough IBS Boys! Don't mess with their s**t, man! Think of the rap songs we could make up, but what rhymes with Donatel?

I can see it now, being forced up against a cop car being frisked and asked about that "white stuff" and answering "Hey, it's Heather's Acacia Tummy Food, man. It ain't mine. I don't know how it got there! And those Peppermint caps ain't mine either."

My mind just flashed on the old Michael Jackson video in the subway "I'm Bad". I can see a remake "I'm IBS-D" and the entire video would be shot in a subway rest room with the professional dancers hopping from toilet to toilet, slamming those cubicle doors in time to the beat.

Yeah, I better go to bed. You know what? I have never dreamed about IBS. I think that is a good sign. And remember, in heaven there are no toilets so this crap stops at death.

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