Feeling SO alone....I know you will understand tho!
#163744 - 03/24/05 11:34 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tonigh is Purim, a Jewish holiday. And we eat a meal tonight and again tom. Since I'm not haveing a meal at my house...we got invited out.
But I am STRICTLY gluten free now. and people ALWAYS mess up my food. And hubby will have been fasting all day so I def don't wat to drag him home if there is no food for me. It's SO FRSUTRATING!
The worst part: When people ask me why I'm eating my own food. Why I brought my own food. WATCHING everyone eat pastries, bread, etc.
I don't want to go frankly. I do NOT feel happy about any of this. I feel depressed. Alone. And like an outcast.
Why did I ever agree to going? Right...I agreed when I wasn't thos strict about my diet....
We are about to move. I HOPE that the place we move to is more accomidating! here it has NOT been easy (why we're moving).
I stay home OFTEN because of my issues with food. I opt eating at home instead of going out to avoid these situations.
I am tired of being by myself...but I am anxious about dealing with these issues. When we 1st moved here...someone invited us for Fir. night dinner. And the man said no problem on my special diet. I got there and there was NOTHING I could eat. So I ate what was there and got sick from it.
It's SO Awkward as well! A part of the MEAL (a religious act), is to eat bread. And I don't wash and eat the bread. I feel bad enough not being able to do this act... PLUS everyone is like "Why didn't she wash?" I get stares, questions, etc. I just want to be left alone!
It hurts to be so different. To be left out.
To be accused of being anorexic.
To be asked "Well...can't you have bread SOME TIMES"
I just want to cry. I want hubby to go without me. I want to hide from the world sometimes.
Why can't people keep their mouths shut? Don't they know how embarassing it is?!?!
I know, I know...I need to learn to stick up for myself. Tell the lady that asks why I don't eat this and that, politely of course "I'd rather not discuss it". "I just don't eat that." But instead...I end up crying. I go home and stay up wanting to eat cause I'm so hurt by what happened. (Which I have NOT done lately, thank G-d!)
PLEASE send suggestions, hugs, anything positive my way! I need a lift! I WANT to back out...but I WON'T! I'm a fighter...and I will NOT back out now. (At least I hope I won't!)
The woman hosting tonight asked if she could make me a salad. With corn. From a can. I exaplined I can only things that are not from a jar/can and are fresh. in the last community I lived in...people were sooo muh better about it! They were FAMILIAR with celia, IBS, and who know what! Here....it's a CHORE to have me over since I require special food. It HURTS! (Part of why we're moving again).
Thank you for reading...sorry so long!
Love, Ruchie
--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
sending my love and hugs!!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Ruchie!
Reading your posts always cheers me up and inspires me. You have such great advice and support for the rest of us, we really appreciate it!
I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed about going out to a dinner. That's such a tricky situation. But I'm sure the hostest won't be insulted if you bring your own food. And no one else *should* care either, since it's not affecting them. I think this is a better solution then eating what's there and getting sick. It's also better then staying home.
My advice (and I don't want to sound preachy or higher than thou, cause I'm sure not! )  is to try to concentrate on the religious part of the gathering, because that's the real reason you're going anyway, right? And if the guy across the room is wondering why you're not eating the bread, that's his problem, not yours  !
Chin up! You are definitely NOT alone.
--Myra
--------------------
IBS-D
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Who cares what other people think. You do what is best for you. And just keep thinking happy thoughts. Like you won't have to endure this much longer b/c the new community will be more supportive. And if you have to take your own food so be it.
My mom gives me a hard time about what I eat and why I can't just eat what she cooked. And I tell her if I had cancer or some other horrible disease that they have a test for she would gladly accomadate my diet no questions asked. But b/c IBS and Fibro are things that she isn't familiar with she brushes them off. Perhaps trying explaining that politely to your host. It sort of put it into perspective for my mom.
HUGS and I hope you can work through this.
Christie
--------------------
Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I dont really have much advice because Im feeling almost exactly like you right now. I constantly am being asked why I dont eat this or why I cant eat that - and its usually by people that already know my situation so its even more frustrating. The questions about me being so skinny definitely hurt the worse. Whenever someone says ANYTHING about my weight it takes me days to get over it and in the long run I never really do get over it at all. I havent had any comments about my weight in a very long time and its still something that I think about EVERY SINGLE DAY and obsess about. I want to gain weight sooooo bad and nothing is working!
I definitely understand about eating over at people's houses or eating out being so hard because being on both an IBS diet AND a GF diet is hard enough to eat at your own home. I NEVER feel like I can trust restaurants or even other family members because they havent spent hours and hours on the internet and reading books on IBS and GF cooking and most the time they have NO IDEA what I can and can't eat. So anyways your not alone on that subject!
I've never been so depressed as I have been this last week, when I first went GF it was almost like I was completely cured for the first couple weeks or so and then it slowly started coming all back. Its so hard to get your hopes up so much and then have them wrecked again! However, I just started a new birth control about 2 weeks ago and Im really wondering if its the problem. Who knows! I feel like all my stomach problems are ruining my whole life! Ive really been considering seeing a therapist or asking about anti-depressants...have you tried either of these?
I hope you start feeling better VERY soon and just know that your not the only one whos feeling like this! I dont know what I'd do without these boards!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh Honey, we all know how you are feeling, we have all been there to some extent and we know how it feels.
Casey suggested to me a long time ago that if people question you about not eating something to say that you have a lifethreatening allergy to it..I LOVED this idea, haven't used it yet but if people are REALLY getting to you its one to keep i your back pocket!(or purse if your skirt has no back pocket!)
You are doing the right thing for you, that is the important thing, just remember that. Also remember that while it may hurt when people ask and comment that they are only doing it because they are ignorant or curious, very few actually mean to hurt you.
HUGS and MORE HUGS
--------------------
S.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh Ruchie, I know how frustrating it is. I went to MIL's for dinner a week ago and she KNEW what I couldn't eat and what I could and why. She'd made this wonderful fresh salad put the dressing on, told me what was in the dressing which was fine, then after I'd eaten an entire plate which was yummy, I asked for the recipie. She read it out to me and it had sugar in it! And soy sauce! And lime juice! So I said that I wasn't supposed to have those and she says "well, you wouldn't have got much of them and it's just this once, you'll be fine". Yep, came home with a big gurgly belly!
So now if we go over I make my own dinner, put it in to heat up when I get there and sit down to eat with them. I don't say anything and if anyone asks I just say that I'm intolerant to (and point at things on the table) and that they make me very ill if I eat even the tiniest bit. It seems to work. So far I've had some questions about it which I answer, but they've only been questions out of interest. If anyone was mean about it I'd just say "I don't want to make myself sick thank you." and leave it at that. I hope it works out for you Ruchie, try not to stress too much, you'll only make your tummy misbehave. Big hugs and I'll be thinking of you.
--------------------
Amy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
sweetheart - I soooo understand. you put it all into words sooo well. people just don't get it. esp the bit where you said you just go home and cry instead of saying 'I'd rather not discuss it' I am SO like that. i don't want to offend people with brushing them off like that...I don't know what to suggest except that maybe for now, till you're strong and can deal with the odd belly unfriendly meal, you should stay a bit away from socialising??
Lots of love and chag purim sameach!
--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Oh sweetie!
#163890 - 03/24/05 10:29 PM
|
|
|
|
Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
|
|
|
This sounds AWFUL!  {{{HUGS}}} What a shame we don't live near each other so at least we could get SOME safe socialising!
Now as we know, I'm both a wee bit more stroppy than you and less religious! So I don't often get in that exact situation...these days I either don't care (with people who don't really know me) or get cross (when my Mum forgets about stuff!  ).
What they think does NOT matter. Remember that...make it your mantra if you want!
Saying you're allergic is a good idea...you don't have to "lie" and say it's life-threatening...most people get that image anyway (even though not all allergies are life-threatening!). And if it's an issue, I always like to attack it head on and get my oar in first. Saying something like "I REALLY wish I could join in, but that bread would make me so ILL" would be good...and would probably get you sympathy too! And could you do the washing bit (can you tell I don't understand? ) without the bread? Just so you're not so left out?
{{{HUGS}}} sweetie! Remember we're always here for you...and my inbox is always open!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Oh Ruchie. It is so hard. I feel badly for you.
I'm so sorry that your diet makes it hard for you to be "normal". We can all relate to that to a certain extent. Hey, some people think I'm a freak because I don't eat meat and very limited dairy products. They ask me if I only eat salads and other dumb stuff like that.
You are following a diet that is making you healthy. Remember that. You CAN'T eat certain things. Can you tell them that you have food restrictions (or food allergies) because of medical reasons? That if you eat certain things you will get very sick!
I find that often it's WAY easier to bring my own food to social events. I used to get invited to Thanksgiving and Christmas meals with my ex's family. While most of them understood what vegetarian food was all about they didn't know anything about ibs and dairy. I didn't want to give them a list of no-no's so I used to bring this organic millet or seitan pie from the health food store. It was a veggie version of meat pie.
Anyhow,can you bring your own food? is there something you can subsitute the bread with? A gluten-free bread, maybe?
You are doing what is best for your body. If anyone has a problem you just tell them to call me and I'll straighten them out. That's what a big sis is for.
Hang in there sweet Ruchie!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
