I need a hug
#193302 - 07/08/05 12:44 PM
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I've fallen into another depression. I don't quite know how it happened. I didn't recognize the warning signs. This new med change isn't working. I have a Doctor's appointment next Wednesday and I'm going to ask to switch meds and go on a stronger dose. The OCD is getting worse, too. I'm shaking, having panic attacks, I can't eat, I'm super nauseous ALL the time to the point that if I don't have a piece of gum in my mouth I'm gagging, my IBS is back, the list goes on. I feel like I'm falling apart. I called practically everyone I know and they're all busy or not answering their phone, so I can't get anyone to come over right now. I called my husband and he's 2 hours away and I feel like I'm about to have a meltdown. Hubby is on his way home, though. I feel like a failure. I feel like a horrible mother. I fell asleep last night during the dinner hour and didn't even feed my poor children supper until late! I feel so awful about it. What kind of mother falls asleep on her children? What if something had happened to them while I was asleep? To top it all off, I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts (don't worry, I PROMISE I won't do anything). I feel so horrible. Hugs, please.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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First, you are NOT a horrible mother. You are a mother who is also dealing with her own health, and don't play the what if game. It usually just ends up making things worse.
Second, you just need to get through until your doctor's appt on Wednesday. You said Hubby's coming home, which is a good thing. Maybe see if another family member or friend can give you a hand with things Monday and Tuesday? If not, please don't be too hard on yourself, and try to take care of yourself!
Lots of love!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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((((((((HUGS))))))))). Have you changed anything you were taking or doing? You aren't pregnant right? Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have times and days like that. Our children survive and won't even remember. I remember taking allergy medicine and just getting all shaky and tired and I was getting so frustrated when my girls were your kids ages. We all can have days like that ever once in a while. Your little ones did fine and I'm sure they would have let you know if there was a problem. They just seem to. I believe God protects them because we just can't be there to protect them all the time. Praying for you.
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{{{{hugs}}}} ...total sympathy hon. I'm a bit crap at seeing the warning signs too.
And you are a fantastic Mom!  Mom's are allowed to sleep, ya know?
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How I WISH I were there to hug you in person! We could hug, watch movies, drink tea, play with your kids, go to the prak (if it's not too hot!) and talk!
We could BOTH use it right now!
I am SO glad you are going to the doc Wed. Can you make it till then! I wish I had money...I would call you right away! I might have to find a way to visit Canada...I feel like half my family is there! Any way you might be coming my way soon?  
I love you Alicia! No doubt about it! You are one of the most wonderful people in the world! I know nothing I can say will help right now. But I will tell you what hubby told me that is allowing me to get through until I see my therapist on Monday. "It will pass". These feelings always DO pass. Often not very quickly...but if I hang on long enough...they do. (Sometimes months btw!)
We are all here for you Alicia! We ALL love you and want you to THRIVE and be HAPPY *hugs* Keep us posted. We LOVE hearing from you! And you have my e-mail...(if you don't hear back from me right away is it because Shabbos is a coming!)
I love you LOTS and I hope you feel BETTER SOON!
Sending you light that you can SEE/FEEL, love that you can KNOW and the knowledge of how SPECIAL you are,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Alicia! hold it right there! You are a FANTASTIC MOM! and WIFE! And FRIEND! I am GLAD you fel asleep if you needed it! And hubby loves you so much he is coming home!
You are an INCREDIBLE SOUL Alicia! Every bit of you is filled with love, giving, kindness, and GOODNESS! I wish you could see the LIGHT you shine forth...we all do!
Please keep posting and reaching out to us! We love you!
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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GIRL. I am SO sorry! I wish I lived closer and could come and help you. You are a WONDERFUL mom, don't ever say you're not. I can tell by the way you talk about your kids how much you love them and would do anything for them! My gosh, everyone falls asleep, you didn't do it on purpose!!
I'm glad your hubby is on his way home...
I'm so sorry  You helped me out so much and now I wish there was something I could do! Have you done the hypno tapes?? Sometimes I just pop one in when I'm feeling really anxious or can't sleep, just to relax me.
Take it easy, hopefully a new med will help. Talk to your doctor, and get support from your hubby. We love you! Those kids love you to death. <<Big hugs>>
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~Cara~
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I don't know you yet, but I am sure you are a great mother or else you wouldn't care so much. Panic attacks are the worst !!!! I feel so bad for you. Hopefully your husband will be there soon and give you a break and maybe a massage or something to soothe your nerves. 
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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Alicia,
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now and can't get a hold of anyone to help.
All mother's doubt themselves at some time or another, it is natural. You are not a bad mother and the kids probably thought it was great to eat late. You just did things the Spanish way. They very rarely eat dinner before 10:00 pm every night.
I am glad that your husband is coming home to you. He sounds like a wonderful person and very supportive.
I will be praying for you. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
Lots of hugs,
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Janey
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GREAT BIG BEAR HUGS FOR YOU!!
I'm also squeezing some "strength" into ya during the hugs!!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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